


Perfectly Unhappy Together

by Chirstmas25



Category: Addams Family - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, F/F, F/M, Multi, Polyamory, Spooky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:42:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28882647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chirstmas25/pseuds/Chirstmas25
Summary: Their demented, Their psychotic maniacs, there the Addams and god help anyone who forgets that.(Morticia x Gomez x Original Female Character)
Relationships: Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Rotting in love

A group of carolers, their eager faces upturned, song an endless and cloying roundelay of we wish you a merry Christmas.

They sing with self-righteous good cheer.

Unaware of the untimely suffering that awaits them.

Slowly moving up The Addams mansion past the black wreath on the front door, past broken windows, weather-beaten shingles, a creaking shutter.

where the Addams Family members await gleefully As a Cauldron Of bubbling, steaming concoctionpours over the edge.

The members of the family smile a the screams assault their ears.

The family of seven consisted of.

Gomez Addams gentlemen of 43

master of the Addams household and the Addams patriarch An attractive man of Spanish descent, with sports slicked-back hair and a pencil-thin moustache dressed in a chalk-striped, dark-coloured suit with a bow tie.

On his left stood one of his beloved and half of his soul Morticia Addams, a beautiful woman of 38 with pale skin and long black hair and luscious red lips, she wore a black Gothic dressed to match her hair, tightly form-fitting, with a hobble skirt.

The woman on his right was his other beloved and the other half of his soul,Alchemy Addams she was the youngest of the Threesome at 26, though equally loved, Alchemy shared Morticia's pale skin, though unlike the two lovers she had thick platinum almost white hair that cascaded down her back and was almost always in a four-strand braid, her lips were painted a plum shade, she was adorned in a deep burgundy dress of velvet with long sleeves with a deep neckline and high slit up to her left leg she rested her head on Gomez's shoulder.

The Addams patriarch brought a hand from each of his lovers to his lips and pressed multiple kisses to their palms.

One of the two responsible for the carnage was Granny frump, mother to Morticia and Voodoo caster of the house, with pale/whitish skin, grey matter hair and dressed in various frumpy clothing, she was in charge of cooking in the house.

The second accomplice was Lurch their faithful butler. He was a man of very few words, most of what he utters is long, plaintive groans,

The youngest of the family was Pugsley and Wednesday Addams, the children of Morticia and Gomez Addams.

Wednesday Addams is a pale, dark-haired, grim-looking little girl who is fascinated with death and the macabre.

10-year-old Wednesday has black hair and white skin like her mother.

Pugsley Addams is a round little boy with short spiked hair and the younger brother to Wednesday, he is almost always seen wearing a striped T-shirt and long shorts Pugsley acts as an unwitting accomplice to his sister, who makes attempts to inflict lethal harm upon him although he has returned the favour on occasion.

Yes, people would say they were degenerates, Corrupted, inhuman.

Though they are a family.

The Addams

Lord have mercy on anyone who forgets it.


	2. Chapter 1

It's 7 am in the Addams house and the day is beginning.

Lurch is sweeping outside the morning smell of death and decay fills his nose.

Thing a disembodied hand with the full-bodied personality runs throughout the gloomy, dust and cobwebbed filled house past a couple of doors, and a pair of legs in pyjamas, feet in bedroom slippers.

He skids to a halt and backtracks to the legs. He pulls on the cuff of the pyjama bottoms. They belong to Gomez, who stands in a doorway to an unoccupied room.

Gomez is all enthusiasm or all despair. At the moment, he radiates unfathomable woe.

"Think of it, Thing." He speaks to a disembodied hand.

"He's been gone for twenty-five years. For twenty-five years we've attempted to contact Fester in the great beyond..."

Gomez looks around the dusty, cobweb-filled, long-unoccupied room to His lost brother, Fester.

In the same condition as the day fester went missing, a thick layer of dust covering every inch not a thing out of place.

The room has remained untouched since Fester's disappearance as a teenager.

a football pennant from Alcatraz, headless sports trophies, a high school photo with all the other students keeping as much distance from Fester as possible.

So many memories.

"And for twenty-five years,

nothing. Not a whisper, not a clue. I'm beginning to think my brother truly is lost." Gomez sighs.

Gomez with some pulling from thing leaves the bedroom suspended in time, down the hallway, through a set of old fashioned doors, into the room he shares with his loves.

Gomez approaches the bed.

Asleep on scarlet satin sheets are Morticia and alchemy both entangled together though clearly space between them where Gomez had been sleeping.

Gomez gazes at his loves.

"Look at them, I would die for them. I would kill for them. Either way what bliss."

The ghostly whiteness of their complexions is offset by the red of the pillowcase upon which their hair is spread like a diabolic halo.

Morticia's pitch black and Alchemy whiteish/blond hair contrast with the red pillowcases.

Morticia is the first to open her eyes followed by alkene.

"unhappy my darlings?" Gomez asked adoringly.

It's alchemy that answers.

"Oh, yes, yes. Completely."

Gomez beckons the two women into his arms.

Both drapes themselves across his chest.

Morticia squints at the sun streaming into the windows.

"Gomez... the sun... il me perce

comme un poignard." Morticia speaks in fluent french

Both Gomez and alchemy are wildly aroused.

"Tish... that's French!"

Alchemy responds

"Oui"

He kisses his way up to there neck first starting with Morticia them moving his lips to leave kisses and small bite marks on alchemy neck.

suddenly bursting with enthusiasm and a sense of purpose, Gomez leaps from the bed, drawing his bedside sabre from its sheath and brandishing it at the offending beam.

"En garde monsieur sole!"

He thrusts and parries, pantomiming a duel with the shaft of light.

"Gomez?" Morticia speaks

"Querida?"

It's Alchemy that picks up for Morticia.

"Last night, you were... unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me." Alchemy speaks.

"Do it again." Morticia finishes

Gomez, instantly aflame leaps on the bed and brings his two loves to his chest.

Gomez strips the three of them bare, all that can be heard from the bedroom is moan, groans, banging, scraping, crashes, screams.

................................................................................................

LATER

After a wild and passionate round of lovemaking, Alchemy pokes her head out of the window.

Morticia brushes her hair with a silver filigree brush and Gomez is smoking a cigar.

Alchemy takes notice of something very strange.

Why is there no fog?

the fog machine hurtles downwards, missing decapitating alchemy by millimetres. It crashes below, smashing through the front porch roof.

Granny voice calls down to Alchemy

"The fog machine is broken."

Alchemy brings her head back inside the window to continue getting dressed for the day.

She intricately braids her hair into her signature style and brings out her plum lipstick.

.............................................................................................................................................

In another part of the house Lurch Standing beside the front door, the gigantic family butler.

He holds two brown paper lunch bags in his enormous hands. The bags' contents wriggle, eager to escape.

Wednesday takes her bag.

"Thank your lurch."

Pugsley takes his bag, opens it, and peers inside. Lurch growls and Pugsley closes the bag.

Both children head towards school.

On the balcony that connects to the master bedroom, Gomez is hiring golf balls in the presence of Alchemy.

Watching the two children leave for school Alchemy shouts down to them.

"have a terrible day!"

She then brings her attention back to Gomez, who gazed at her with adoration.

"Tesoro it brings me pleasure to observe you interact with the children."

Alchemy offers Gomez a smile, whereas Morticia rarely will smile, Alchemy can't stop smiling.

Gomez hits a golf ball with enormous momentum that is sails through the window of the Addams family the only neighbour.

Both Gomez and Alchemy mistake there neighbour judge Womack's waving first as a wave.

Gomez waves back.

"Sorry about the window, Judge! Keep the ball! I have a whole bucketful."

He holds up a bucket of golf balls just to prove his point.

Alchemy is lamenting as she watches the young ones walk off to school.

Gomez joins her.

"The little ones, off to school.

Bless them." Alchemy laments

"They grow up so fast, don't they?" Gomez brings alchemy's hand to his mouth.

"Too fast." Alchemy sighs.

Gomez gets down on one knee, grabbing alchemy's hand and places kiss all over.

"Cara Mia, I shall give you a little one if you so desire, there is nothing I would deny you and Morticia."

"Neither would I."

Gomez and Alchemy turn in the direction of the voice.

Morticia slides forward and wraps herself around Alchemy.

Alchemy closes her eyes and enjoys the presence of her beloveds.

"No my loves, I'm content with watching over Pugsley and Wednesday."

Gomez stands right up and pulls his amours to him.

......................................................................................

............,,.,.,;,;...............:::...............

It's later in the morning now and all three of the Addams adults have retreated to the conservatory.

Morticia, wearing gardening gloves, is snipping the blossoms off her roses, Gomez is playing chess with thing and Alchemy is playing with a brand new throwing blade that Gomez has gifted her.

It's Gomez who breaks the silence.

"It's a milestone, Tish. This very

evening -- our twenty-fifth seance and our fourth seance with you Tesoro, All those years, gnawed by guilt, undone by woe, burning with uncertainty..."

Alchemy grips Gomez's free hand.

"Oh, Gomez Don't torture yourself."

"That's our job," Morticia smirks.

Gomez, it filled with lust for his two beauties.

"Imagine, Darling, if Fester did

come back. Half-alive, barely human, a rotting shell..." Morticia speaks

"Don't tease."

Alchemy looks at the two, unable to contribute to the conversation considering she didn't come into the picture until Four years ago.

Thing points to something outside the window.

Morticia, Gomez and Alchemy lookout.

Tully Alford the family attorney, and his wife, Margaret are at the gate.

"Tully is here, darling,"Morticia mentions.

"Ha! That Tully." Gomez jumps up in excitement.

Alchemy moved to look closer.

"Romping with Gate."

Alchemy watches as the gate latches onto Tully's coat and won't let go.

thing moves a piece and gestures in triumph.

"Checkmate," Morticia says impressed.

......................................................................::.:.....................

.............::::/:..........:............................:::::...........

Once inside Tully hands his hat to Lurch and marches off toward Gomez's study.

Margaret Tully's wife is waiting alone.

Nervous and looking for one of the Addams women.

"I'm here to see Mrs Addams. About

the charity auction." Margaret asked shyly.

Growling, Lurch heads for the stairs. Screwing up her courage,

Margaret resolutely follows.

Unsure which Addams woman she would see and wasn't quite sure which one she wanted to see.

................................................................................

..............::::...............................

Fully makes his way into the Adams family portrait gallery.

generations of Addams grotesques in elaborate gilt frames heading toward the imposing doors of Gomez's study.

On the floor lies a bear rug, eyes and mouth open.

Tully steps on it, all he hears is a growl before clamps it's jaw onto his trouser cuffs.

Finally, he's able to get the teeth of his leg.

preparing himselfTully opens the elaborate doors to Gomez's office.

Once inside a sabre slices through the air and embeds its self in the door.

Tully tried to catch it before in embedded itself but he was too late.

Gomez is smiling with excitement at the potential match.

"Missed"

Tully pulls the sword from the wall.

Both preparing for a fight.

......................................................../...........................

........,,,;,,.,,,,.,,...,,.

In another part of the house, Margaret is completely unaware of the swordfight her husband and his client are partaking in.

She along with Morticia, Granny and alchemy.

sort throughAddams'possessions. In trunks. Boxed. Stacked. Covered with

shrouds. Morticia opens a gigantic, evaporate carved armoire.

"Perhaps it's in here?"

"I don't think so," Granny speaks mischievously

The armoire has been emptied. Morticia looks over the contents of a nearby shelf. The thing sits on the shelf, offering a Bejewelled treasure.

"There it is. Just what we've been

searching for."

Alchemy takes the treasure

from Thing

"Thank you, Thing."

Alchemy passes to Morticia who passes Margaret the Jewel encrusted cylinder of gold, dragons' heads with gaping jaws at either end.

Margaret is at first afraid to touch it, but greed helps her get over it.

"My God, what is it?"

"a very old family heirloom, a finger trap from the court of Emperor Wu ." Morticia explained to the flabbergasted Margaret.

"It must be worth a fortune. Look

at those emeralds.Oh, Morticia, this is too extravagant!Even for the auction!"

Margaret says superciliously

Granny pipes up

"Let's keep it."

"Hush - it's for charity. Widows

and orphans. We need more of the Margaret?"

Morticia hushes her mother.

Margaret who was Enchanted by the treasure inserts her fingers and they're instantly stuck.

"Mmm?"

Margaret is trying to pull her fingers free.

"The seance tonight. Won't you

come? It's Gomez, I'm worried. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he's been coughing up blood..."

Margaret is abhorred

"He coughs up blood?"

Alchemy shakes her head sadly.

"Well... not like he used to..."

Both Addams women are saddened by this news.

Margaret still trying to get her fingers out is flabbergasted on what to say.

.............................................................,........................

.....................,;,,,..............,,...........

Tully and Margaret soon depart, with a briefcase full of doubloons and Margaret's fingers still trapped in the finger trap.

Little did the Addams know there perfectly miserable life was about to be invaded by two people.

Siting in Tully's office was an arrogant, aristocratic-seeming 60ish woman. Her steely will and conniving manipulativeness are barely veiled by a thin layer of polish and good manners she went by the name of Abigail Craven.

Tully walked into the office still lugging the heavy briefcase full with doubloons that he received from Gomez Addams.

Tully takes notice of the woman in his office.

"Mrs Craven, I was just about to

call you."

"I'm certain you were." Abigail deadpans

She gestures to her left.

"You haven't met my son, Gordon, have you, Mr Alford?"

Tully turns amiably, but his face falls at the sight of Gordon Craven.

Gordon craven is Fleshy and round, most likely in his 40's, impeccably if eccentrically dressed, his dark hair plastered with pomade. With his barrel chest and his kamikaze demeanour, he looks threatening.

Tully also swears of this because he blanches.

"Is this the one, Mother? The deadbeat you mentioned?" Gordon asks

Before Tully can react, Gordon has him by the throat, hanging him upside down from the wall like an oil painting.

"Wait a minute, hold on!You have to listen to me!" Tully chokes out.

"We do, Mr Alford? And why?" Abigail asks.

"Please... Just hear me out..."

Formed looks to Abigail

"Mother...

Abigail looks to Tully.

"Gordon and I enjoy a very... special relationship. I'm wild about him."

Given who has a clear infraction says.

"She's a pip."

"Refreshing, no?"

after a beat

"Down, Gordon."

"Mother...

"Gordon."

"Gordon!" Tully wheezes out.

Gordon lets go, dropping him, Tully crawls toward his desk."

"And how is your wife, Mr Alford? I've heard so much about her. Still

charming?Still spending?"

"I don't have the money to repay you...

I've tried everything..."

"We've lent you a considerable sum. Many

thousands of dollars. Payment due."

"Soon, I promise." Tully panics

"Oh, Gordon - I want to believe him..."

"So do I..."

Abigail gestures to Gordon

"He's so terribly trusting."

"She's a saint."

Abigail turns to Gordon

"Silly boy... make me proud."

Gordon grabs Tully and sweeps him onto his desk.

Tully's briefcase falls open and the Addams doubloons spill out.

Abigail and Gordon light up at the sight of the gold. They share a malicious smile. Gordon leers down at the battered Tully.

"He lies to us mother."

Tully is babbling.

"It's not what you think! Those are doubloons! For the Addams account!"

"Addams?" Abigail asks

Tully taking the opportunity.

"There's more, there's a fortune, but

no one can get to it! Don't you think I've tried?"

"Have you?Have you tried hard

enough? Ask him, Sweetheart."

Gordon descends on Tully, menacingly.

Gordon's face hovers inches from his own. The glare from the lightbulb hanging overhead whites out Gordon's hair making Gordon look as bald as a cue-ball.

It's like a sudden vision. The inspiration is obviously born of terror. Gordon is the spitting image of fester Adams Gomez's long lost brother as he would appear twenty-five years later.

"Fester?"

Gordon makes a face at his mother.

..................,,.,............,.,..........................................,,,,.,,,,.::

....................,,,,..................::.:......

Once evening falls it brings with it rain.

Morticia's stood at the open window Gomez stands behind her.

Both Watching alchemy and the children laughing in the rain holding up an antenna hoping for Lightning strikes.

"Hailstones..."

"And lightning..."

"It's a miserable night."

"I know, darling. Seance weather. "

Morticia leans out the window.

"Children, alchemy, we're starting! Put down that antenna!"

Alchemy grabs both of the children's hands and leads them back into the house each one still laughing.

........................................................................................

......................................................................

On the other side of town in a typical rundown, highway-style motel room, with stained fibreglass curtains and a splotchy oil painting. Gordon is seated on the bed, facing a cracked mirror. Abigail stands behind him, consulting a picture of Fester that Tully has lent them.

"It's uncanny. My little boy, and this hideous creature."

Abigail corrects herself

"handsome creature."

Abigail puts a towel on Gordon's shoulder

"Think of it, my angel no more

grubby storefront scams. No more loansharking to scum like Tully Alford. All that delicious money I can feel it, right in my fingertips."

Abigail whispers in his ear.

"Just one week, in and out, you locate the vault and then we're gone, before they even notice it's missing."

"What about Tully We need him."

"we'll be miles away, and he'll take the rap."

"You're so good."

Abigail holds up a shaving brush, covered with foam.

"Shave anda haircut, Mister?"

Abigail begins to have its head.

..................................................................................,,.,,,.............,,,......:::

Back that the Addams mansion Tully and Margaret knock at the door and are greeted by lurch.

Lurch peels off Margaret's and Tully's wet overcoats. Margaret is still wearing the same clothes she wore on her earlier visit the finger trap has made it impossible for her to change.

"What a miserable evening." Margaret states.

"It is isn't it."

Alchemy approaches to pair.

She has changed into a strapless floor-length black velvet sheath dress that had a slit up the right side that went all the way to mid-thigh.

She accompanied the dress with a pair of black pumps and a silver necklace that was made entirely of jagged wire and nails.

For once her hair has been left to freely flow down her back, her lips were painted with her traditional plum colour.

It's Margaret it speaks.

"Good evening, Thank you for having us, would you mind."

She holds up her trapped hands.

Alchemy releases the trap from Margaret's fingers.

Margaret is amazed. She tries to straighten her dishevelled clothes.

"Thank you."

It's now Margaret take notice of her husband who hasn't spoken a word and is opening starring at alchemy's covered chest.

"Welcome, honoured guests."

Morticia has suddenly appeared on the step of the staircase.

She's too is dressed for the occasion.

Adorned in a black long sheer sleeved piece with a deep V neck with her signature red lips and straight hair.

Both Addams women were visions of desire.

Lurch presents a tray of vile-looking canapes. Morticia motions to the tray.

"Entrails?"

The four of them make their way into the den where the rest of the family is around a round table with a glass ball in the centre and lurch playing the organ.

Everyone takes their seats.

"Let us gather, in this house of

yearning, on this day of heartsick loss, at this table of woe. Is everyone comfortable?" Morticia asked.

Morticia holds a tarnished gold Candleholder in the shape of a Raven The candle is in its belly and the beams of light

glow from its eyes.

"Sing, O spirits!Harken, all souls!

Every year on this date, we offer a clarion call to Fester Addams."

"Stop it." Wednesday hisses at Pugsley who has a meat cleaver in his hand aimed on Wednesday.

"Children hand it over."

Pugsley reluctantly hands over the clever to Gomez.

Morticia raises the Raven.

"From generations to generation, our beacon to the beyond, Do you accept the glorious burden?"

Morticia passes the Raven to Wednesday.

"May it weigh me down through all my melancholy years."

Morticia addresses everyone.

"All close eyes and hold hands."

They all do.

Wednesday then picks up.

"Let us ransom you from the power of the grave. Tonight, O Death, Let us be your plague."

Everyone looks to granny.

"I feel that he's near... Fester

Addams, gather your strength and knock three times."

Suddenly three knocks.

In the den everyone's eyes open.

"Did you hear that?!"

Morticia turns to her mother.

"ask again mama quickly."

Tully smirks, barely able to contain his smug enthusiasm.

He knows exactly who's knocking.

Gomez is on the edge of his seat in urgency.

"Ask!, ask!"

"Fester Addams - I demand that you

knock again!"

and again Three knocks, this time even harder.

The knocking reverberates through the room. Jubilant, Gomez springs to his feet. Lurch hits a crescendo on the organ.

"He's at the door!"

He runs out and through the house to the door, His family at his heels, Gomez eagerly pulls open the front door.

There on the front steps stands Gorden or Fester from beyond. Gordon's head is completely shaved, and his clothing and pallor are pure Fester. The exact resemblance is shocking. It seems a miracle.

Gomez and Fester stare at each other. Fester's eyes have a hard, I-dare-you-to-question-me look in them. Neither man says a word.

"Could it be?" Morticia asks

"Is that him?" Alchemy asks

Morticia looks to Gomez for confirmation. Gomez and Fester continue their face-off.

Gomez breaks the stalemate.

"Fester!"

Fester aka Gordon shouts.

"Gomez!"

Gomez throws open his arms. He smothers Fester in an embrace.

Abigail steps forward she now wears a plain, dowdy suit, and her hair is in braided coils. She now speaks in a German/Austrian accent.

"Gut evening. I am Dr Pinder-Schloss."


	3. Chapter 2

Tully and Margaret quickly leave to let the brother reconnect.

The entire family moves to the Adams family drawing-room.

Fester stands by the tall, by the fireplace where an enormous fire burn. Steam rises off his wet coat, enveloping him.

He seems immobile, a pair of shining black ferret eyes.

Pugsley stands nearby, beside Fester's trunk, studying the exotic decals.

The rest of the family is sitting down paying rapt attention to Abigail.

"How did he happen?How did it come to

be. Ze story it is most amazink, and also beautiful. He vas found in Miami, tangled in ze tuna net! It vas just last month, during ze Hurricane Helga. Ze sky, it vas black like pitch. Ze vaves, zay vere valls of doom. Can you imagine? Zen zey drag him from ze ocean, from ze very jaws of oblivion. I'm tellink you! Zere are tests, so many tests, and a complete psychological profile. At long last, ze Florida Department of Fish unt ze Game, ze say, low unt beholdt, my oh my go tell it on ze mountaintop he is... your bruzzer! Boom! Zey gif him to me, at Human Services, and I am bringink him, after all, zese years, after who knows vat heartache, after ze naked unt ze dead, I am bringink him home to you!"

Alchemy tilts her head to one side, something didn't feel right to her.

Perhaps because she didn't grow up like fester, Morticia or Gomez.

She grew up in an orphanage in South Carolina.

Gomez slaps Fester companionably.

"And now you're back."

"Fester Addams home at long last." Morticia speaks up.

"Well at least for a week," Fester speaks

Heads pop up.

"Don't be ridiculous! You're home!" Gomez hollers

"Sorry, but I have to get back. I've got a lot of things cooking - in the Bermuda Triangle."

All three Addams adult light up.

Morticia aglow with romance

"Oh, Gomez. The Bermuda Triangle."

Gomez fondly.

"Devil's Island"

Alchemy dreamy

"The Black Hole of Calcutta."

Alchemy turns to Abigail.

"Dr Pinder-Schloss, will you be staying too?"

Abigail shakes her head.

"No, no, I really must be going.

But I will be back, you can bet. To be checking on Fester's adjustment."

Wednesday alone stands apart in her mournful fashion. She picks up on alchemy's suspiciousness of this new Fester.

"Nobody gets out of the Bermuda

Triangle. Not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that."

Abigail turns to Wednesday.

"Oh my little vun, zere is so much you don't understandt. Ze human spirit it is a hard tink to kill."

........................................................................................

........................................

Once Abigail left, Morticia took fester to his old room.

Once inside the room fester has a chance to look around what catches his attention are two pictures.

The first one is of fester and Gomez as young boys, each in a cage being held by their father, he stands beside a wooden sign with camp Custer branded into it.

The second one is of Gomez and fester again as young boys sitting in the lap of a bound and gagged Santa.

Morticia begins to open Fester's trunk and go through it.

"you must be exhausted Let me."

Fester is alarmed at what she might find.

"No... um... that's all right...

you don't have to..."

Morticia begins removing Fester's burglary equipment from the trunk.

"A crowbar... dynamite... cyanide...

Fester. As if we'd run out."

She hands him the cyanide and walks out of the room.

Fester examines two photographs in a hand-tooled leather frame on the bureau. Imprinted below the Face of the beautiful girl of the left, is the name Flora, below the beautiful girl on the right, is Fauna.

It's clear that they are identical twins.

The Clock in the hall strikes midnight.

It's time to go to work. He opens the door to his room and peeks out. He sees Wednesday in her doorway across the hallway, staring back at him. He whips back into his room.

Frustrated, he looks out again Wednesday's door is shut. He looks both ways.

.........................................................................................

..................................................

The trap door rises in the attic floor. Fester's head appears.

Fester climbs into the attic. taking in the piles of odd objects and memorabilia.

Fester approaches a set of glass cases.

In The first case contains a set of mounted Butterflies , pinned in place.

In the second case, there are several stuffed vampire bats.

The third case is about three feet high and fairly wide. It is empty.

"It's reserved."

Wednesday stands near the trap door; staring at Fester, who stands by the empty case. Fester is startled but tries to act calm.

"Reserved, for who?"

"For skipper."

"For Skipper? Is he... a dog?"

"No. Skipper isn't a dog. That

would be cruel."

"He's a bully."

Fester stares at Wednesday. He backs away from her.

He then turns from her and quickly makes his way back towards his room.

Fester runs back into his room and shuts Wednesday had unnerved him.

He sits on the edge of the bed, Yawning, he lies down, sinking into the mattress so deeply that he's almost buried alive.

Getting comfortable, he burrows deeper.

His eyes are getting dreamy

then he hears the creak of his door opening...

"Who's there."

He see's a shadow on the wall, a sinister-looking hand with wiggling finger.

Fester goes for the knife he keeps in his boot.

The window explodes open.

Looking down at his bed, fester see's thing sitting in his bed.

Fester jumped with fear, pushing against the backboard. He shakes his leg, violently throwing Thing off.

He screams.

.....................................................................................

.............................................

Gomez , Morticia and Alchemy snuggle in bed in the afterglow of their celebration, Morticia and alchemy's heads resting dreamily on his shoulders Gomez is enjoying a post-coital cigar. Fester's screams are heard down the hall.

"My dear brother. I've got

goosebumps," Gomez speaks

"I know" alchemy nuzzles her head into his.

"Screams in the night. It can only

mean one thing."

Morticia finishes.

"He's home."

They gaze together out into the torrential downpour as Fester continues to scream. The three of them smile.

One by a be they fall asleep, surrounded by each other, death and screams.

Just the way they liked it.

............................................................|.........|.|||.......................

...................................................:..........:

The next morning fester was asleep on the bed, finally succumbing to the temptation of sleep.

Thing snoozed on Fester's chest like a kitty cat.

Watching over the two of them was Gomez.

gently Gomez lifts Thing and tucks him into the pocket of his smoking jacket.

This however instantly awoke Fester.

Certain that Gomez was about to attack him, Fester leaps from the bed, jumps Gomez, and pins him to the floor.

Pulling the knife from his boot, he presses the blade against his throat.

Gomez completely cheerful, disregarding the knife held against his throat.

"Breakfast?"

Gomez judo-flips Fester off his chest then springs to his feet.

"Damn, it's good to have you back!

Let's go!"

As he leads the way out He pauses and turns.

"Two out of three?"

He throws the knife at fester missing him by an inch.

...........................................,.,......................,.,,.....,....................................,....

Fester watches as the family eats breakfast in the subterranean kitchen.

Only Pugsley is missing. The walls sweat and smoke crawls along the floor.

Granny's working at a stove that's a coal-burning monstrosity.

Flames belch out of the oven. The top is a gigantic grill where innards and various unidentifiable somethings sizzle fester is unsure of what they are, not daring to ask.

Throughout, Granny flips these offals onto family members' plates. Lurch is assisting her.

Morticia has seated Fester between Gomez and Herself with alchemy on the other side of Gomez.

She's given him an elaborate pewter place setting with a dragon motif, obviously saved for honoured guests.

Wednesday turns to alchemy.

"May I have the salt."

Morticia speaks up.

"What do we say?"

Wednesday speaks dutifully.

"Now."

Alchemy smiles approvingly and passes Wednesday the salt.

Fester stares at the food on his plate.

Not daring to eat it.

It was green and slimy and reminded fester of intestines.

"What is this?"

"Mama's speciality' de la maison." Morticia tells fester.

Granny places some more onto his plate.

"Start with the eyes."

Morticia starts a conversation.

"Sleep well."

Fester nods with a smile.

"Like the dead."

Both Gomez, Morticia stop eating and look at fester, alchemy is also confused that didn't sound like the fester that Gomez had so often spoken about.

"Really?Who knew the Bermuda Triangle

could change a man so much? You used to toss and turn all night. We had to chain you to the bedposts"

Wednesday gazes levelly at fester.

"It doesn't make sense."

Fester hadn't realised how a simple exchange could be so fraught with pitfalls. He already felt cornered.

He turned to Wednesday and spoke condescendingly to Wednesday.

"The Bermuda Triangle is such a

large and mysterious place. You'd be surprised at all the things you don't know."

Alchemy look at fester.

She wasn't so sure she liked festers tone that was aimed at her stepdaughter, it very much reminded her of the owners of the orphanage but as no one else seemed to pay much attention she kept her thoughts to herself.

"She certainly would. Wednesday adores

the Bermuda Triangle. She studies it. Death at sea she's hooked." Morticia speaks.

Alchemy pipes up.

"Ask her anything."

Fester turns his back on Wednesday and addresses Gomez.

"Being in my old room sure brings back

memories. Remember Camp Custer?"

Gomez is aglow with fond memories.

"For pre-teen offenders."

Fester continued

"And I was thinking about Christmas..."

Gomez adds on

"Waiting for Santa to come down the

chimney..."

Fester was guessing now.

"Hanging our stockings..."

"Building fires."

Gomez and fester laugh.

"Aren't memories precious? I'd like

to spend today wandering through the house, remembering." Fester prods.

He could finally start looking for the treasure.

"No, no, no. Sorry, old man - no

wandering today. Today we're going straight to the vault." Fester's head jerks up.

The vault.

Inside he is smirking.

Just then Pugsley runs into the room, dragging a freshly stolen Stop sign, still on its pole. Gomez holds up a finger, shushing everyone.

Just then, the Screeching sound of cars heading for a collision is heard.

Finally, cars collide. There is a satisfying crunch of metal. Everyone beams.

Alchemy pats Pugsley on the shoulder.

Fester looks slightly disturbed.

It's granny who speaks up.

"Who wants seconds?"

Something in Granny's soup tureen yelps.

Granny, keeping her eyes on Fester, jabs her ladle into the tureen.

"Don't be shy."

Everyone stares at fester now.

Fester knowing there's no way he can get out of this takes his knife and fork and starts cutting into the revolting food.

Once he has some on his fork he brings it to his mouth and bites down.

Fester expected to it to be revolting but surprisingly it wasn't so bad, not fine dining but not inedible.

...........................................................................................................

Once breakfast is finished everyone goes off in different directions.

Morticia and alchemy both walk over to the greenhouse, the children run off to play, granny head back to the kitchen to cook up more potions and thing and lurch start doing the housework.

Gomez drags fester to the den.

Gomez and Fester are in front of the bookcase that is the Entrance to the vault.

Gomez reaches for a book. Fester is right there with him, his hand on Gomez's hand as he goes to pull out the old volume. Fester reads the title.

"Greed."

They share a smile. The bookcase swings open and Fester eagerly follows Gomez inside.

Gomez runs gleefully down a flight of steps.

"I feel like we're children again," Gomez Exclaims.

Gomez reaches a small circular room

Gomez looks up.

Over his head hang hundreds of rusty chain.

Each one leading to different places.

Gomez grabs one of the chains. As he does so, he punches Fester on the shoulder.

"Tag - you're it!"

Gomez pulls the chain, and he and Fester Fall through a trap door and onto a slide.

Gomez and Fester slide down the twisting slide. Gomez is gleeful however Fester is petrified.

He couldn't see anything.

The slide deposits Gomez and Fester on a dock, leading to the underground river! Gomez is all high spirits, while Fester is wobbly.

Gomez inhales as if he were in a meadow.

"Smell that air, Fester!"

Fester inhales dutifully. He gags.

It smelt like death

Gomez strides to the end of the dock. Waiting there is a Venetian gondola, rundown but still magnificent. Gomez does a running leap to board the gondola. He puts on a straw gondolier's hat and calls out to Fester...

"Tutti a Bordo, Fratello Mio!" gesturing to the water "The sea - your second home."

Fester boards the gondola gingerly, looking queasy.

Gomez starts rowing.

.......................................................................................

.........................................

Wednesday, Pugsley and alchemy are exploring the attic, investigating various items.

"Do you think that's really Uncle Fester?" Pugsley asks the two.

"Father says so, but I think Mother

isn't sure."

Alchemy observed the two children with her own questions on fester.

Wednesday stands in front of an electric chair.

"Pugsley, sit in the chair."

"Why?"

"So we can play a game."

Pugsley climbs into the chair.

"What game?" Pugsley asks.

Wednesday thinks about it.

"It's called... Is there a God?"

Alchemy pipes up.

"Children remember we have the auction in a little while don't forget."

Completely unfazed her stepdaughter was about to electrocute her stepson.

.......................................................................................

........................................

Gomez steers the gondola toward A massive metal door, Six feet across ten feet high set right into the rock of the grotto Gomez docks at the narrow ledge in front of the door.

Gomez leaps onto the ledge and Fester follows

. He's getting excited now, wondering what treasures exist behind this door.

Gomez goes to work on the oversized combination lock.

Gomez smiles knowingly to fester

"Two to the right, ten to the

left, and then around to...?"

Fester makes a guess of five.

Gomez excitement turns to shock at this brothers lack of knowledge.

"Eleven. Two, ten, eleven. Eyes, fingers, toes."

Fester licks his lips in anticipation.

Gomez slowly opens the door

Rather than a treasure trove, it looks like A decrepit nineteenth-century men's club torn red leather chairs and settees, an assortment of Torture devices and hunting trophies An elaborate bar with a cracked mirror.

Gomez gestures

"Welcome home."

Fester expecting heeled is very disappointed though tries not to show it.

"Our secret place. Sanctus

Sanctorum. If these walls could talk, eh, old man?"

Fester is unsure and try's to get Gomez to say it.

Which leads to a back and forth between the two brothers.

"What... what would they say?"

"You tell me"

"You go Senior partner..."

"Junior spaceman."

"First a brandy!"

Gomez indicates to the bar

"Do the honours."

He opens a large wooden box

"I've got a real treat in store."

There are half a dozen brilliant brandies to choose from.

Fester pockets a silver jigger, then chooses a bottle and the bar spins around with Fester, revealing...

A stone cavern stacked high with Addams treasure -- gold, jewels, bizarre but priceless statuary from around the world.

Fester gets one slack-jawed glimpse and the bar spins back round depositing him back in the outer room.

Gomez has been too busy digging through the box to have noticed Fester's carousel ride. He turns his arms overflowing with Film canisters.

Which shaking hand fester pours them both a drink, completely shellshocked at what he just witnessed.

.......................................................................................

........................................

Wednesday is strapping Pugsley's arms and legs into the electric chair.

"If he's not uncle fester then who is he?"

Wednesday reply's with.

"Someone else."

Wednesday pushes a button, and the lights on the chair go on. The entire mechanism hums and vibrates.

Alchemy is observing on a chair.

"It has to warm up."

"Why?"

"So it kills you."

"I knew that."

Alchemy is only half paying attention, her inner third eye is telling her something isn't right.

She's never been wrong about these things before, On the other hand, Gomez is so sure that this fester is his brother.

.......................................................................................

........................................

Gomez is running home movies. He and Fester sit in side-by-side armchairs with the stuffing coming out. They smoke cigars and drink brandy from extra-large snifters.

The young Gomez and Fester, shark fins strapped to their backs, sneak around a corner toward a swimming pool crowded with kids.

Gomez is laughing, fester is Trying to seem like he is invested.

Young Gomez has buried young Fester in the sand at the beach. Only Fester's head appears from beneath a mound. A few yards away, a single hand struggles out of the sand, clearly another person.

A hand-held 16mm camera weaves its way through a group of ball-goers, finally focussing on a head and shoulders shot of Gomez and Fester, now in their teens. The Addams boys look both sinister and dashing in their tuxedos and Gomez is already smoking his trademark cigar.

Gomez turns to fester.

"Here!The debutante ball!Remember

that fateful night?"

Fester knowing he couldn't not answer just guessed.

"Of course... your first cigar..."

Gomez laughs shocked.

"What? Come on, old man, I've

smoked since I was five. Mother insisted."

the boys flank their dates, the Twins from the pictures on Fester's bureaus Beautiful redheads with dementia in their eyes. Throughout the twins are seen only from the waist up.

Fester sewing a Chance to cover his tracks speaks up.

"Flora and Fauna. Quite the pair, eh, Gomez?"

Gomez sighs, and then becomes extremely dramatic.

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Fester clearly confused.

"What?"

"I didn't love them. Yet, I wooed them, both, out of foolish pride.

You were so dashing, you could have any woman you wanted, dead or alive. I was jealous, insanely jealous.

I admit that now. But I never meant to drive you off, not to the Bermuda Triangle"

Fester held up a hand.

"Water under the bridge. Forgiven. Forgotten."

Gomez holds out his arms. Fester endures the hug.

Gomez then turns the hug into a painful headlock that has Fester gasping for breath.

Gomez says playfully.

"Say it, say the password."

"The password.......I.....i....." fester is choking.

"Come on, strip fooling, you remember......"

Fester by now is turning blue.

"Please... I'm choking... please..."

Gomez completely perplexed releases, Fester.

"You forgot our secret password? The word we used one hundred times a day?Our special private name for each other?"

Fester is still rubbing his neck.

"That was a long time ago, we were children... you almost killed me, you demented freak..."

Gomez is at a loss for words.

"Did you say... demented freak?"

"Yes, you demented freak!"

Fester has accidentally hit on the password. Gomez lights up he flings open his arms.

Gomez yells joyously.

"demented freak!."

.......................................................................................

........................................

Back in the attic, The electric chair is humming. Pugsley now has the chair's helmet on as well. Wednesday is about to throw the huge master Leaver.

"But why would Dr Pinder-Schloss

tell a lie?" Pugsley asks

"Because she wants something. Do

you have a last request?"

"Can I have ice cream?"

"No."

"Then just do it."

As Wednesday is about to throw the switch, Morticia's head appears from the trap door.

"Children - what are you doing?"

Morticia climbs up into the attic.

Alchemy gets up from where she was sitting and mould's herself into Morticia's side.

"I'm going to electrocute him," Wednesday said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"But we're late for the charity auction."

"Mother."

Morticia pretends to be Stern.

"I said no."

Alchemy places small kisses up Morticia's neck.

"Can't we let the children have one go?"

She asks between kisses.

After a beat

"Oh..... all right."

She smiles and Wednesday pulls the lever.

There is a rare smile on Wednesday face and the electric charges through Pugsley.

Morticia and alchemy embrace and watch in delight.


	4. Chapter 3

The Bayshore woman club is packed with guest, in the middle day the Addams clan.

Finally, the Fingertrap is announced, the glistening jewels sparkle in the light.

Margaret is standing on the stage blushing.

She holds her hands aloft, fingers still ensnared in the ancient finger trap. She wears the same dishevelled dress, unable to disguise its sleep-in look.

On the stage beside her, judge Womack acts as the event's auctioneer. He reads into the mike from the catalogue:

"... encrusted with rubies, and fifteen emerald chips. It was donated by Morticia, alchemy and Gomez Addams."

The threesome looks around, modestly.

various people in the crowd, staring at the Addams family in horror and disbelief.

There's a quiet hum around the room as people talk.

"That much be a priceless artefact, can you believe they would just give it away."

"I still can't believe they started a polygamist relationship."

"How the lot of them haven't been thrown into a mental hospital I don't know."

Judge Womack gets everyone's attention again.

"Remember, the money we raise goes

to help those less fortunate. This year, over half our proceeds, will benefit the elderly and the mentally disabled."

All the Addams look at Granny proudly.

She beams.

"I open the bidding at five thousand

dollars."

Gomez is affronted by that price.

"Bah! Not enough!"

He thrusts up his arm.

"Twenty thousand."

Judge Womack is surprised at the bid. Next to him, Margaret looks confused

"What are they doing? It's theirs."

Pugsley has a Peashooter in his mouth, aimed at Judge Womack. Wednesday glares at her brother and holds out her hand. He sheepishly passes her the peashooter.

"I have twenty...."

"Twenty-five." Alchemy shouts

Gomez looks to alchemy

"Cara Mia."

Fester takes Morticia's opera glasses and peers appraisingly at the ginger trap, he smiles greedily.

"Twenty-five...."

Morticia raises her hand.

"Thirty."

She stares lustfully at her lovers and they share her desire.

Wednesday now has the Peashooter in her mouth, aimed at Judge Womack. Granny gives her a stern look Wednesday sheepishly hands Granny the peashooter.

Gomez raises his hand.

"Thirty-five"

Alchemy has now started sucking on Gomez's neck.

"Fifty!"

Morticia has raised her arm. She lowers it but keeps it extended for Gomez to kiss. He does so, passionately.

The flabbergasted judge Womack

repeats breathlessly...

"I have fifty thousand dollars..."

Morticia turns to alchemy

"Your turn, my ecstasy."

Alchemy turns her attention to Gomez

"It's yours, amore Mio."

"You spoil me... mon amour."

Gomez utters a little cry of wild passion.

Judge Womack hammers his gavel, as Margaret's jaw drops.

"Sold to Morticia Addams for fifty thousand dollars!"

Judge Womack shakes his head, in disgust. As he does so, a projectile Hits his neck. He yelps, and grabs his neck.

Alchemy takes her head out of Gomez's neck to look at the children.

Though canes face to face to Granny, with the peashooter in her mouth she has just scored the hit on Judge Womack. She and the children share a conspiratorial smile.

Alchemy laughs In delight.

........................................................................................

........................................

Everyone was now back in the Duisenberg driving back home.

Alchemy is sitting on Gomez’s lap and Wednesday is sitting on hers, next to them was fester who had his fingers trapped in the jewelled fingertrapper, Morticia was on the other side of him, granny and Pugsley were sitting in the opposite side.

"Isn't it too enchanting?" Morticia's asks.

Fester pulls his fingers, trying to free them.

He stares at it, almost as if hypnotized

"Gomez, you shouldn't have bought the fingertrap." Morticia's chides Gomez.

"It's for charity. And it belongs

to the family." Gomez states.

Fester still trying to pull his finger out asks.

"How do you take it off."

"There's a trick to it. Of course."

Morticia pinches the top and it unleashes festers fingers.

Gomez shares a look with Wednesday and alchemy then leans forward and, eyebrows knitted, frowns at Fester.

........................................................................................

........................................

It's much later in the evening and the Adams arrive home.

Gomez storms off, so Morticia and alchemy get the children ready for bed.

Fester rushes off as soon as he's in the front door.

It's not long before the sounds of Gomez's train set can be heard throughout the house.

In his train room, Gomez's elaborate Mode train layout fills the room. The Lionel train races through the remains of a strip-mined mountain terrace.

Thing galloped around one of the mountains, then paces back and forth in front of Gomez's transformers.

Gomez is sat in the middle of his trains and is ranting to Thing.

"How do you take it off?' That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favour at his tenth birthday!"

Gomez demonically starts his second, setting it on a sure collision course with the first.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester was inside his room Preparing to go to the vault, Fester, with sionalism, slips his safe-cracking tools into the bandoliers strapped across his chest.

He reaches into the drawer for the nitro-glycerine and comes up with the photo of the young Fester and Gomez being brought home from Camp Custer by the U.P.S. man.

He stares at the picture, then tosses it aside as if touching it burned him.

He picks up the nitro and proceeds with his preparations.

........................................................................................

........................................

Puffing black smoke fills the room as the model trains race toward one another, toward the inevitable crash.

His emotions churning like the locomotive wheels, Gomez is still ranting to Thing.

"He wore that finger trap for two years!

Mother had to teach him how to eat with his feet! And the combination, and the password, and my cigar - and he slept

so well!"

Thing sensing his master's distress is also pacing furiously.

........................................................................................

........................................

Granny is doing at the kitchen table, reading cookbooks.

There is a stack of books on the table.

Two books are propped up.

Granny's reading from the first book the title was The Joy of Cooking.

She turns to the second book Gray's Anatomy.

The sound of Gomez's trains has begun to Resound throughout the house.

As Granny reads, a Train whistle pierces the night, and the kitchen table shakes. Granny looks up from her reading.

........................................................................................

........................................

Morticia and alchemy dressed in similar nightgowns though Morticia's reaches her feet whereas alchemy's finishes just above her knees are both seated on Pugsley's bed in his bedroom, Morticia has a family photo album on her lap. Wednesday and Pugsley also in pyjamas, sit beside them look at the album.

Pugsley point to a picture of Gomez.

"Is that Father, when he was little?"

Morticia nods

"Yes. And that's Uncle Fester."

"Where are they," Wednesday asks

"At a birthday party. See the fire trucks?"

From Gomez's train room, we hear a voice howl "ALL ABOARD!", followed by another Whistle blast

Both Morticia and alchemy look at each other with worry.

"Oh no," alchemy says

Pugsley state the obvious

"Fathers playing with his trains."

"He must be upset," Wednesday says

Alchemy pulls the girl to her side.

"It's always a bad sign -- hobbies." Morticia sighs.

........................................................................................

........................................

In the Addams library, a Grimly determined Fester removes the well-worn copy of "Greed" from the shelf and the secret panel opens.

He's headed for the vault.

........................................................................................

........................................

The model trains Whistles at full blast shrieking in warning as they round Dead Man's Curve, heading for each other.

"These thoughts! I'm in torment!

What is the truth? What is fiction?"

Thing pounds the table in frustration.

........................................................................................

........................................

In his bedroom Lurch is sitting up in his too-small bed, wearing his nightshirt and cap. He is sewing a button on a shirt, a gentle giant.

The chug of the trains now shakes the entire house. Lurch's needle slips from the noise, and he pricks his finger. He sucks on his finger, looking troubled.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is at the Interior wall He pushes seeing if that will make it turn.

Then he looks above and there hangs the countless chains each with a rusted metal grip on the end. Which chain to pull?

From far above in the house, Fester hears the distant train whistle. He randomly yanks one of the chains.

The Chain yanks back pulling Fester straight upwards. With a screech of pulleys and gears, the chain rockets him, hanging on for dear life, toward a narrow gap in what may or may not be a ceiling Fester disappears into the gap.

........................................................................................

........................................

Alchemy, Morticia and the children are listening to the sounds of the trains, now a chugging, Whistling cacophony.

"He's using the diesel... " Pugsley states

A SHRILL BLAST is heard.

"The covered bridge..." alchemy states

Another blast is heard

Morticia is very concerned

"Dead Man's Curve..."

"I know what he's worried about."

Alchemy looks down on Wednesday

"So do I, darling."

Alchemy trying to hide her anxiety

"But let's get to bed. Now, have you brushed your teeth and washed behind your ears?"

"I did. I'm sorry."

Another blast

Wednesday looks at both of the women

" Is that man really Uncle Fester?" 

Uncle Fester Whooshes through the floor-to-ceiling piranha tank.

Only Alchemy sees this.

She has a frown on her face.

........................................................................................

........................................

The train crash is imminent.

Gomez falls to his knee's

"Spirits above me give me a sign! Shall I be joyous? Or shall I be damned?"

The Trains COLLIDE!

Metal rends. Smoke and flames everywhere.

........................................................................................

........................................

Alchemy is waiting in the yard by Pugsley coal shoot.

She is a vision of beauty and danger.

With her long platinum hair flowing down over the breast and down her back, her black silk night down contrast with her pale skin, her lips are colours with plum, she has pared it with a deep Burgundy cloak that falls to the floor and a hood that covers her head.

The fog surrounds her and dances around her, almost as if it's coiling around her very frame she is silhouetted by the full moon that cast a glow onto her.

Just as she expected the coal shoot drops open depositing the soaked, disoriented Fester right at the feet that have been covered by eals.

she stands regally above him.

"Sleepless night? Walk with me, Fester."

She turns and glides away, festers has no choice but to follow.

........................................................................................

........................................

Alchemy leads Fester into the chill of the cemetery which seems to of coming alive at midnight.

By the howls and screeches of ghosts and the wind.

They follow a path that winds among the elaborated Tombstones of the Addams dead.

Gomez's golfballs are everywhere on the ground, in statues' upturned hands, in their open mouths.

As they pass them, alchemy Points out various monuments. The marble statues look so real they could be alive.

"Aunt Laborgia executed by a firing

squad. Cousin Fledge torn limb from limb by four wild horses. And darling Uncle Eimar..."

Uncle Eimar is a hooded executioner with an upraised axe. There is an Unearthly moan, seeming to come from the tomb.

"Buried alive. Psychopaths, fiends,

mad dog killers roots, Fester. Pioneers. Lest we forget."

Among the statuary is a marble Vulture , posed with the dignity of an eagle on a flagpole, but the flagpole is actually a replica of Fester's bald head.

"Your beloved Muerto. After you

left, he was simply... a different vulture. Or that's what Gomez and Morticia tell me.

He wouldn't circle. He wouldn't peck. That's how much you mean to this family."

They reach the Mausoleum where mother And Father Addams lie.

It stands on a knoll, the highest point in the cemetery.

Poison ivy covers the dilapidated Greco Roman tomb. Mother and Father Addams have been depicted as a god and a goddess, charioteers driving their steeds to the netherworld. Father Addams smokes the ubiquitous Addams cigar.

"Mother and Father Addams...

Imagine what we owe them. Oh, Fester, how I wish I could have met them, But tell that to an angry mob they had been gone long before I entered the family."

She turns to trace the Family crest, carved into the mausoleum.

The top is a vulture, the background is composed of three lion heads, in one panel a huntsman holds open the lions head, in another panel the lion has swallowed his up to his torsos the last panel the lion has swallowed the huntsman completely but for one dangling foot. On a banner at the bottom is the family motto.

"Three lions rampant. The

vulture ascendant. And our credo "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc."

"We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." Not just pretty words. As an Addams, you understand completely, don't you?" alchemy ask's fester.

She stares levelly at him.

Fester reply's

"As an Addams, yes I do."

alchemy is still observing him.

"Do you know how I met Gomez and Morticia, you see I didn't exactly have the most normal upbringing, my parents abandoned me at an orphanage when I was 4, there I was raised by the people there, however, they weren't the nicest of people...... they didn't appreciate my ideas of fun."

Alchemy is smiling as if she finds something hilarious.

"Then again I don't suppose throwing knives at unsuspecting people was something most people enjoy, anyway once it became clear that they wouldn't be able to pair me with a family I was moved on, the next 14 years was spent with me being passed around, finally on my eighteenth they had no obligation to keep me in the system so they booted me out."

Alchemy and fester have begun walking back towards the house.

"I struggled for work and was sleeping where I could, usually on a friends couch or a bench, and in my spare time would pickpocket unsuspecting people, I had a system going for a good while, well I did until I pickpocketed the wrong man."

Fester is intrigued by her story.

"His name was "the snake" or that's what everyone called him I didn't know his full name, but anyway he was your typical gang member, grabbed me took be back to his place..... I was only a girl of 19, I was sure I was going to die, but you know what? I didn't fear death, I still don't, once he realised he could frighten me with the notion of death he tried something else..... he threw me onto his bed, ripped at my clothes until they were in tatters, he was pressing kisses onto every part of me he could reach, calling me names and other derogatory filth in my ears, I knew what was going to happen, with seconds to do protect myself I grabbed the first thing I could find, a pair of scissors, I drove them into his neck, naturally he let go, this was the moment I knew I wasn't like everyone else. Most would use this as a chance to escape but not me, I walked calmly over to him and stood over his bloody body, then with the scissors I repeatedly drove them into his body, anywhere I could reach, he was chocking on his blood, screaming out in pain and for help, we both were covered with his blood, I felt him go limp, I saw the light fade from his eyes until he was nothing but a bloody corpse."

Fester is speechless

"Any "normal" person would probably cry, or feel sick, probably be scared or maybe even angry. Me I felt no different, as if I hadn't just taken a life, I dressed in some of his clothing seeing as mine was gone, took whatever money or items of value I could find, and simply left. I pawned off most of the valuables and gained enough money to last me for a few months, or until I could plan my next move."

"Anyway a few weeks after the incident I get a knock at the door of the motel I was sleeping in, it was the boss of the man I had killed, once again I expect his or kill me though he wanted to offer me a job instead, I work for him as his personal trigger weapon and in return would give me fifth-teen million dollars. for a girl who was borderline homeless and was eating rice and beans each night this was a lot of money, so naturally I agreed,The next four years old my life I lived a good life, got myself a nice apartment, formed a friendship with my boss...."

"Then I remember the once assignment I was given, to take out a family. Apparently, my boss had been given a lot of money to take out a family, so he assigned me to the job, can you guess who he wanted taking out."

"Gomez and Morticia" fester guessed

"Correct I had planned everything down to the last moment, I "bumped into them" at a social event I was planning on taking them out at the party, I was ready to go, all of a sudden......"

She has a very rare smile on her face.

"Gomez slipped in front of me and pulled me into a dance, Morticia had her hands wrapped around my waist, the three of us ended up dancing together all night, the moment I looked into there eyes I knew I couldn't do it, it was if my very soul called out to them it felt like they were part of me, that was the moment I fell hard. Once I was alone I remembered why I was at the party, and suddenly I was filled with rage, not at them but at the man who had put me up to this...."

Fester noticed alchemy's eyes darken.

"That evening I went to the bosses house with an axe, I broke into his house went up to his room and brought the axe down decapitating him, I hadn't even known them a day and yet they meant more to me than a man who had treated me as his own blood, who had given me a second chance, I was willing to kill someone I respected more than anything for two people I didn't know if I would ever see again, though I did see them again and they welcomed me into there relationship with love and passion."

Alchemy has a look of adoration on her face.

Her face though once again because closed off.

"Fester I love your brother and Morticia ad well as the children more than anything or anyone and I will eliminate any threat that they may face."

Fester feels a sweat roll down his bald head.

By now they had made it back to the house.

Alchemy turns to fester

"Good night, Fester. Rest in peace."

She walks up the steps to the door and walked in the house.


	5. Chapter 4

Fester had been tossing and turning all night alchemy's threat still fresh in his mind, he needed to speak to mother.

That lead him to now.

He was in the hallway early that morning on the phone to his mother.

Fester is on the phone hunched over, his eyes darting to make sure no one overhears.

"They're on to me, Mother! I'm almost sure!... Of course, I've tried, I still can't find it... you've got to get over here."

Behind fester Wednesday is bound and gagged on a chair Pugsley runs up to Fester with two bottles of poison.

Fester, vaguely impatient, points to one. Pugsley nods and runs off.

".......don't say that...........you know that I do............"

........................................................................................

........................................

Granny and Lurch are doing the dishes in the kitchen Granny is rinsing and Lurch is drying.

Lurch then hands each dish to Thing, who stacks them.

The three of them make a good team.

Morticia sits at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea.

Wednesday stands before Morticia, holding up a large, nasty-looking carving knife.

Morticia looks at Wednesday.

"Is that for your brother?"

Wednesday nods.

Morticia takes the knife.

"I don't think so."

Morticia hands Wednesday a much larger, even nastier- looking knife. Wednesday takes the knife and exits.

"His trains are everywhere, the children are beside themselves - this can't go on. How can I help him? Tell me, Mama."

"Well, let's look it up."

Granny wipes her hands and opens a large, ragged leather-bound book. She starts thumbing through the pages.

"Troubled husbands, troubled husbands...

adultery..."

"Oh, no."

"Financial, money troubles... "

"No."

"Turned into a toad or reptile..."

"Is there an index?"

"Here it is - suspicion and anxiety,

in husbands."

"What does it say?" Morticia asks eagerly.

"Drain all his blood, replace it with vinegar overnight. Leave a headless rooster beneath his pillow. Smear his forehead, palms and feet with the tears of a stillborn monkey. Add milk."

Morticia is offended

"I can't do that. It's barbaric. Really, Mama. I'm surprised at you."

A beat, then disdainfully

"Milk."

Lurch growls in agreement.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is sitting on his bed, kneading his hands, very upset. Abigail is calmly inspecting the room, studying various objects with disdain.

"They know I'm a fraud! The whole

bunch! It's not going to work!"

"Who knows? Gomez, that over-heated

moron?"

"He's no moron! He's Fester's brother,

they had some awful fight, years ago. He's suspicious, they all are, Alchemy threatened me last night, I can tell, She will kill me.”

"Really? Well, thank God I came over.

I can counsel the troubled family. Ease their distress. It's my calling. Remember, Gordon..."

"What?"

"I'm a doctor."

........................................................................................

........................................

In the Addams drawing-room, Gomez, Morticia and alchemy sit with Abigail.

Morticia speaks to Gomez from where she is sitting in the couch next to alchemy.

"Dr Pinder-Schloss is here to help.

Should Gomez speak with Fester? He's right outside the door."

"I would speak with Fester.." Gomez starts

Gomez gets up and stalks toward the door, talking louder and louder.

"-- if that were Fester, but

that's not! That's an impostor! An impostore!"

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is marching toward his room when he hears...

"O villain, villain, smiling, damned

villain!" Wednesday calls out

"Who calls me a villain? Breaks my

pate across?Plucks off my beard

and blows it in my face?" Pugsley responds.

"If I must strike you dead, I will!"

Fester has a genuine gleam in his eyes

He hurries to the top of the staircase and looks down into the front hall.

where swords were drawn,duelling Wednesday backs Pugsley in.

Pugsley and Wednesday thrust and parry, hack and slice. Pugsley runs Wednesday through. She staggers, then falls dead.

"No! No! Gimme that sword."

Fester runs down the stairs.

Pugsley's hands fester the sword.

"Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone?"

Wednesday refurses to Pugsley,

solemnly

"He's only a child."

"No excuse."

Pointing the sword at Wednesday's throat

"Aim for a major artery. The jugular."

agreeing, the sword still to her throat

"That's what I said."

........................................................................................

........................................

"...A faker! A phoney! An utter

fraud! A base, deceitful"

Gomez is still going on.

Abigail interrupts.

"Mr Addams, I beleef I am under- standink. I vill help. Jais? Ze theory of displacement - is zis familiar?"

An impressed Gomez reply's

"No, Tish?"

Morticia and alchemy shake their heads.

"Ha! It is too exciting. I vill

explain."

Gomez asks excitedly

"Is it unpleasant?"

"Deeply"

Gomez sits beside His loves he takes there hands, All three of them are fascinated.

"Your very own bruzzer -you drive

him avay. Go! Off viz you! But zen you are feelink ze little black monster"

"Pugsley?"

"Guilt. Jais! Your bruzzer returns,

you feel guilty - you displace."

"I do"

Morticia looks impressed.

"Of course"

"Ze feelinks in your brain cells,

ze bubble and ze collide. You suspect tinks. You luff him, but you resent him. Luff, hate, hate, luff. Like for Mama, no?"

"But... I didn't hate my mother. It

was an accident."

"It is a very common psychosis. I

am seeink it every day."

"Lucky" Morticia speaks

"Displacement! How bizarre... and

here, I imagined Fester was the problem. He's sullen..."

Morticia adds on

"He's furtive..."

Alchemy eggs him on

"He's backstabbing..."

"He sulks"

"I suspect him..." Gomez speaks

"You're unbalanced..." Morticia adds

"And I hate him....." Gomez continues

"But that's love!" Alchemy finishes

Gomez jumps to his feet.

"By God, you're right! He is Fester!"

Gomez is suddenly jubilant again.

Morticia turns to Abigail.

"Thank you dr."

"I do vat I can."

........................................................................................

........................................

In Wednesday bedroom Fester is seated on a leather couch; Pugsley and Wednesday are snuggled up on either side. They are all looking at an enormous, ancient BOOK which Fester holds open in his lap.

on the book's cover. The title reads WOUNDS, SCARS AND GOUGES.

"You see, children? There's a lot

to learn. (turning the page) Gangrene."

"Uncle Fester, how do you know so

much?"

"I've been around."

still suspicious) Wednesday asks

"In the Bermuda Triangle?"

Fester ignore her and turns another page.

"Look, children - a new chapter!"

The three are thrilled

"Scabs"

Sometime later

An EXPLOSION is heard, as dirt and debris go flying. As the smoke clears -

Fester is crouched over a detonator, he just caused the explosion.

Wednesday and Pugsley stand or crouch beside him.

"Three parts dynamite, with a

nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds."

"What about picnics?"

Fester smiles approvingly. He reaches into a crate and holds up a Hand Granade The children's eyes sparkle as if it were Christmas Day.

In the window of Fester's room high above Fester and the children. Abigail stands at the window, looking out. She is not pleased.

........................................................................................

........................................

In festers, room Abigail has reverted to her normal voice.

"Everyone will be at the children's play tonight, correct?"

"Oh, yes. I've been working with

them. It's going to be fun!"

Abigail is less than impressed.

"Fun? Fun? Is that what we're here for? FUN?"

She slaps fester, them immediately hugs him.

"Darling, I'm sorry! Do you see what

they've driven me to? I've raised a hand to my child, my reason to live. You can't go to the play."

"But........the kids......"

"The house will be deserted!The

vault will be ours!"

Abigail hugs Fester's head to her bosom.

"Can you hear it, my treasure?My

heartbeat? It beats only for you. Listen closely - it says, "Gordon, I love you... Gordon, the vault..."

"I hear it."

"Soon we'll have the money, and

we'll be far from here... Loving mother, grateful son... this is no time for theatre...

(she twists his head and becomes quite fierce) Understood?"


	6. Chapter 5

Fester stands alone on the roof, looking out over the cemetery, brooding.

"There you are! At last!"

Gomez joins Fester at the railing.

"What a fool I was to doubt you! Dr.

Pinder-Schloss explained everything. What a lovely woman so chilly. Displacement's a common psychosis. Isn't that grand?"

"Is it?"

Gomez slaps an arm around him.

"Look at it, Fester."

Beaming, Gomez gazes down into the cemetery. It is morbid and magnificent in the moonlight. The swamp bubbles. Patches of fog crawl. Unidentified beasties gambol.

"The primaeval ooze. Quicksand. Fumes.

Toxic waste. It's all ours, Fester. You belong here, old man."

"You don't know what you're asking.

You have two beautiful wives. Wonderful kids.

(gesturing to the swamp)

A wasteland. I'm... in the way."

"In the way? A brother?" Games asks

"Gomez, take care. For you, life

is all fun and games. A dance in a graveyard. Stench and decay. But... things change."

"Precisely you're back! Those

years apart, Fester. We can't do that again. You're home."

Gomez holds out his hand. Thing is there with a golf club. Gomez passes the club to Fester. Thing supplies Gomez with another club

The two men hit golf balls off the roof, and over the cemetery, into the darkness. In the distance, we hear the sound of a window breaking.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester sits on the edge of his bed, brooding. Wednesday and Pugsley appear in the doorway.

"Come on, Uncle Fester. Come to

the play." Pugsley asks

"I said I was busy!"

"But you said you'd help us. With

the Shakespeare. And the pus." Wednesday adds

"I changed my mind."

........................................................................................

........................................

The Duesenberg pulls up in front of the school building. Bystanders eye the strange and wondrous automobile. Lurch steps out of the car, and opens the rear door, with great ceremony. As the bystander's gape, the Addams family steps out of the car, as if attending the Academy Awards.

Decked out in there finest clothing they draw many eyes.

........................................................................................

........................................

The lobby has crowed with the families of students. As the Addams enter, a young woman, Susan, approaches Morticia.

Susan is Wednesday's teacher she's wholesome, frazzled and a little too eager.

"Mrs Addams?"

Both Morticia and alchemy turn to face the women.

"Yes."

Susan Firkins is momentarily stunned before remembering Gomez had two wives.

"Could I see you for a moment? I'm

Susan Furkins, Wednesday's teacher."

It's alchemy that speaks up

"Oh, of course. Ms Furkins Wednesday's told us so much about you. Have you ever heard from your husband?"

Mrs furkins loses her smile for a split second before she puts it back on and leads the two women to the bulletin board.

" Wednesday is an excellent student, but

frankly, I'm concerned. This is our class bulletin board. This month our theme is "Our Heroes", people we love and admire. You see, Susan Ringo has chosen the President.

(she points to a magazine cover of President Bush, hanging next to a child's essay)

Isn't that sweet? And Harmony Feld has picked Diane Sawyer.

(she points to a photo of Diane Sawyer, hanging next to Harmony's essay)"

Alchemy has a feeling where this is going.

"But Wednesday brought in this picture - "Calpurnia Addams."

she points to a photo of an oil painting of an evil-looking crone.

Morticia is touched.

"Wednesday's Great Aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in 1706. They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister."

Susan looks shocked

"Oh, yes. But don't worry, we've told

Wednesday - college first."

The two Addams women leave the shell shocked teacher and find there a way to Gomez.

Tully and Margaret are chatting with the Addamses. The Alford's son, Tully jr is wearing a felt Elf costume.

Margaret holding her son's shoulder states.

"Isn't he adorable? I made this

myself."

"It's charming. What is he a lizard?"

Margaret gives Morticia a look.

"No, he's an elf."

she kneels and wipes Tully Jr.'s face with a Kleenex.

"Look at you - that's better. You are just too precious for words. Why I could just eat you alive!"

"Oh no Margaret, to young." Morticia gasps.

Tully turns to Gomez.

"So Gomez, where's fester this evening."

"Moody as usual. We're all out

on a jaunt, and he's home alone, in that big empty house."

Tully's eyes are gleaming as he says

"What a shame."

Granny pops out of nowhere with a plate full of entrails.

"Toad on a stick! Get your red hot

toad on a stick! Can't enjoy the show without your toad on a stick!"

The Addams each take one.

They all quickly move to the auditorium to find their seats.

Gomez was attempting to schmooze Judge Womack.

"I was hoping you'd come over and

play a round of golf. Not to brag but I've got a beautiful little nine-hole pitch-and-putt-set up in my cemetery."

"I'd rather rot in hell" judge Womack states.

Gomez hummus

"Ahhh... a previous engagement."

He tucks one of his cigars in Judge Womack's breast pocket and heads off to join his family.

Soon after he's seated the show begins.

A piano version of "my favourite things" start to play and a groupie of children start singing.

One by one the Addams slowly loose there smiles.

40 minutes and various performance later the Addams were barely paying attention.

Half a dozen adorable seven-year-olds are on stage singing "We Are The World." They finish to the enthusiastic applause of the Auditorium Full of parents.

Morticia, alchemy and Gomez politely join in while Lurch fidgets and Granny slumps, bored, in her chair.

"The children are next" alchemy states to the array of Addams.

........................................................................................

........................................

Backstage in the dressing room Sitting at the make-up mirror, Wednesday and Pugsley are putting on their armour. Fester is suddenly behind them, reflected in the mirror.

"I changed my mind."

He thrusts a package toward them.

........................................................................................

........................................

Outside the Addams house Abigail is hammering on the door with the knocker.

whispering, sweetly

"Gordon... Gordon... it's Mother..."

very harsh banging the knocker

"Dammit, where are you! I should never have used him!"

She clomps down the porch steps and heads around the side of the house, peering in windows.

........................................................................................

........................................

Pushing people aside, Fester forces his way to where his family is seated. They're happy to see him.

Gomez whispers to him

"I knew you couldn't stay away, old man."

........................................................................................

........................................

Standing on tiptoes, Virginia tries yet another window.

At her ankles, Vines snake out from a window well.

They wrap firmly around her ankles.

She gapes down at them and screams. There's no one to hear her and no escape.

The vines go taut, preparing to pull her under.

........................................................................................

........................................

Pugsley and Wednesday in their elaborate costumes are drawing to the climax of their scene from "Hamlet." As they duel, they act their little Addams' hearts out.

All Addams look on in pride.

"How all occasions do inform against me

And spur my dull revenge! O, from this

time forth, my thoughts are bloody or are

nothing worth! If I must strike you dead, I will!"

Pugsley lands the first blow, slashing Wednesday's arm. Her sleeve rends and blood squirts out.

They both press the attack, drawing blood. In a fatal blow, Pugsley Slashes Wednesday jugular. She makes horrible Gurgling noise Blood squirts in arterial squirts.

"O proud death! What feast is toward in thine eternal cell?"

In a final vengeful moment, Wednesday haCks at Pugsley's left arm, cutting it off, sending a gusher of blood out of his stump, the arm drops to the stage and bounces off landing in judge Womacks lap.

Wednesday clutches her bleeding throat.

"Sweet Oblivion, open your arms."

Wednesday falls dead.

sits perfectly still, jaws agape, deep in shock. An oil painting. Then...

The Addams family are on there feet applauding.

"Bravo!"

Fester claps the loudest.

and Pugsley and Wednesday bow deeply, accepting their family's applause.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is tucking Wednesday into bed. They have now devoted friends.

"...there were sailors and pirates,

and an airplane full of tourists from Miami Beach. All lost in the triangle."

Wednesday is thrilled with everything to fester is saying.

"Uncle Fester, someday will you take me there?"

Fester smiles

"It's a promise. Goodnight, Wednesday. You were terrific."

He kisses her on her forehead. She holds out her headless doll. Fester kisses the doll's empty neck. Wednesday holds out the doll's severed head. Fester kisses it.

........................................................................................

........................................

In the cemetery, Morticia is standing in the moonlight. Gomez and Alchemy sit on a bench nearby.

"What a sublime evening. A theatrical triumph......"

" A Shakespearean delight! All hail Fester!" Gomez shouts

Morticia joins her lovers on the couch.

"Just think - someday we'll be buried here. Side by side, six feet under. In matching coffins. Our lifeless bodies, rotting together, for all eternity."

Morticia places small kisses on alchemy's neck her red lipstick leaving marks.

Gomez is aroused.

"Cara Mia."

They embrace in the moonlight.

........................................................................................

........................................

The next morning lurch is sweeping in the conservatory.

Among the plants, he comes upon Abigail tightly wrapped in a plant cocoon.

Lurch growls.

........................................................................................

........................................

In the kitchen, The cheerful Addams breakfast is underway. Fester is at

the table with the family.

Pugsley turns to fester

"Did you like blood?"

"Perfect - a full bucket. I was so

proud."

"Weren't we all. Wednesday, play

with your food." Morticia admonished

Granny screams at the sideboard.

"mama," Morticia asks.

Granny pulls a Skeleton of a shin and foot out of one of the serving dishes.

"Who put this in here?"

Pugsley and Fester exchange a conspiratorial glance and giggle.

Gomez laughs at the two

"Rascals"

Abigail enters the room, peeling off bits of the vines that had encased her.

" Doctor! You were so right! What

an evening!" Gomez beams start the woman.

"Fester fit right in," Alchemy added on

"The displacement is over."

Abigail is glaring at fester

"Vell isn't zat... nice:"

"Does he have to leave?" Wednesday asks.

"Jais he does."

"Well, if he insists upon leaving, we

shall mark the occasion. Tish"

Morticia turns to fester

"We've planned a farewell party."

Alchemy speaks next

"We've invited the whole clan."

Amazed by the gesture, Fester looks over at the three.

"Vat a luffly gesture." Abigail says

Morticia gazes at her family

"Bloodshed... anguish... breakfast...

We're a family again. And we owe it all to you, Dr Pinder-Schloss."

Abigail smiles.

"Fester, walk me out."

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester escorts Abigail through the yard.

"I'm fine, Mother. I'm completely in control." Fester tried to soothe his agitated mother.

Abigail grabs him

"They're not your family, Gordon.

I am. They don't love you. I do. They're evil and corrupt and degraded. I can give you that."

"I'm fine. Really." Fester trying to muster up confidence in what he's saying.

Truth is he has started to like the Addams family.

"We'll see."

They reach Gate.

Abigail bellows to the gate.

"Open up!"

Even Gate is intimidated and swings open with no fuss.

........................................................................................

........................................

In Morticia's conservatory fester is cutting off the blooms from the roses.

Morticia walks into the room to get festers attention.

"We're opening the ballroom now." She turns and walks away.

Fester hesitatingly follows her.

........................................................................................

........................................

Each carrying a lighted candelabra, Alchemy, Morticia, Gomez, Fester, Granny, Lurch, Pugsley, and Wednesday stand in front of the tall, elaborately carved, oaken double doors. Gomez unlatches them. Together they push them open and STEP into the ballroom.

Moonlight streams in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, revealing the true enormity of the ballroom.

It's straight out of the rococo palace. A lofty unsupported dome ceiling is decorated with figures worthy of Dante.

The black marble floor glistens. The furniture and banquet tables are funereally Shrouded. Like some primaeval sea, the shrouds undulate in the breeze admitted through the open doors.

Gomez steps up to His wives and embraces them.

They begin to dance a three-person waltz.

Fester remains frozen in the centre of the ballroom, overwhelmed by the grandeur.

"A party... for me... here..."

The three waltz past him.

"All for you!" Alchemy states

"Tish how long has it been since

we've waltzed?" Gomez asks Morticia.

"too long."

Gomez dips the two women. As Morticia bends back, she reaches for one of the shrouds and whips it off.

........................................................................................

........................................

When the shroud comes down the party is now in full swing

Gomez, Morticia and Alchemy resplendent now in their party clothes, Morticia in a formal version of her black sheath, and Gomez in black velvet lounging pyjamas, smoking jacket and fez and alchemy in a dark green velvet gown, Alchemy is in a dark purple velvet gown with a halter neck and the mermaid enhance her hourglass figure, her long hair had been pinned to the top of her head in an elaborate french bun in her hair were metal gold vines that wrapped themselves round her head.

A small orchestra plays a Fractured Waltz.

Thing is the third hand on the bass.

The threesome dance among the Addams family relatives that portrait gallery of grotesque come to life. Among them are

Dexter and Donald Addams, the two-headed cousin in matching turtlenecks.

Cousin Ophelia Addams who looks like a Tennessee Williams heroine who's just been fished out of the Mississippi.

Slosh Addams. If a man could look like a toad and still be a man, this is he. He's made many a killing on Wall Street. With him is his child-sized wife, Lois.

Digit Addams, all four arms embrace his date, an over-age Heidi, with thick blonde braids

Cousin Lumpy Addams, a teenage hunchback in a loud blazer.

Dexter and Donald dance Ophelia over to The threesome.

Dexter and Donald's echo one another

"I wonder I wonder what

happened what happened to Fester to Fester."

"Still primping, I suppose." Gomez of handidly says

Her mind water-logged and bleary, Ophelia addresses Morticia, with a spacy Thorazine smile.

"Where is fester."

Morticia smiles

"Soon Ophelia soon."

Ophelia looks around in confusion

"where am I?"

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is in his robe or his underwear; he is considering various pieces of clothing, on hangers or placed on the bed. Abigail stands nearby, her arms folded.

"What would look best? A tuxedo?" Fester asks his mother.

Abigail by now it fed up

"nice dark suit is perfectly acceptable."

"But the whole family's coming! I want to look terrific!"

"Gordon, may I remind you,

you're not an Addams."

"I know, I know but the party's

for me!"

he holds an outfit up in front of the

mirror

"I love this."

........................................................................................

.......................................

The front door opens, and Lurch appears he has been summoned. He looks out his face lights up as he sees a new arrival.

Cousin IT is driving up in his bubble topped Itmobile.

He parks the car and flips open the top. Cousin, IT is a hairball in a homburg, who bleeps and squeaks in a language the Addams have no trouble understanding.

He pauses for a moment, to survey the house.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Lurch escorts cousin IT into the ballroom. The Addams come over to greet him.

"IT old man" Gomez welcome him.

"Bleep gibber,ooot, ooot"

"Your right, far too long."

Cousin, IT looks around obviously checking out the women when he locks eyes on Margaret who is on the dance floor with Tully.

IT runs a hand through his hair, slicking it back, then excuses himself.

"Ooot gibber bleep."

Margaret clings stiffly to Tully amid all this Addams' weirdness.

"The first time we've been dancing

in ages, and you take me here..."

"It's a formal occasion..."

"Don't let me out of your sight..."

"Don't threaten me..."

There's a tap on her is Cousin It, hat in hand, eager to cut in.

"Oot, ooot, ooot."

He takes her in his arms and spins away with her.

........................................................................................

.......................................

In festers bathroom, The pipes groan loudly as scalding water floods the sink. Abigail shaves the back of Fester's head with a straight razor. The room is filled with steam.

"You'll make your appearance, then slip

away from the party ..."

"How? I'm the guest of honour."

........................................................................................

.......................................

Wednesday is dancing with Lumpy Addams, the teenage hunchback. Morticia approaches them.

"Wednesday."

Wednesday turns to face her mother.

"Yes, mother."

"Could you run upstairs and check on your uncle?"

As Wednesday runs off Morticia turns to lumpy

"Why, Lumpy Addams. Look at you. All grown up"

........................................................................................

......................................

The door opens and Wednesday peeks inside

"Uncle Fester?"

Wednesday hears the water running in Fester's bathroom, the sound of voices beneath it.

Inside the bathroom, Fester turns off the water. The pipes make a final clang, then there's silence.

"Yes, Mother, I understand. I hear

you."

"I hope so, Gordon. I'm counting

on you. Don't buckle."

"It's not going to be easy. There

are people everywhere."

"You can do it if you just stop

whining. No one likes that, it's unattractive."

"All right, fine. I will try and

reach the vault tonight. But if I can't, well..."

Fester screws up his courage

"Then that's it. Okay, Mother?"

Wednesday stands frozen in the doorway.

"You are a fake! I knew it!"

Abigail and Fester wheel around on her. The straight razor catches the light and glints mischievously

"Come here, little vun. Ve von't

hurt you."

Fester can't believe this is happening. He is genuinely torn and it shows.

"Wednesday!"

Abigail's facade disintegrates and she bellows.

"Get her!"

Abigail pushes him toward Wednesday who suddenly scared, takes off running. She runs through festers room and across to her room. She slams her bedroom door behind her.

Galvanized into action by the hold his mother still has on him, Fester Kicks the door open just in time to See Wednesday throw open a Trapdoor In the floor and disappear down it pulling the door closed behind her.

Fester tries to find it but, the door is seamless. He pounds the floor in frustration.

........................................................................................

......................................

Next to the coal chute where Abigail was grabbed by the vines, Wednesday Slides out of her chute. She takes off toward the cemetery.

Wednesday runs through the graveyard, and into the darkness of the night.

........................................................................................

......................................

Back in the ballroom Lurch escorts Flora and fauna Amor from the home movies, into the ballroom.

He takes their wraps revealing that they are, in fact, a pair of siamese twins Twenty-five years later, they still look quite beautiful and quite mad.

"Flora and Fauna Amor!"

Gomez approaches, shielding his eyes.

"I cannot see! I'm blinded by beauty!"

"Gomez Addams...."

"... you terrible flirt..."

"... always was..."

"... at least with me..."

"Copycat!"

"Tag-along! "

Morticia and alchemy appear.

"Why, Gomez. The Amor twins. I've

heard so much about you."

"Morticia, alchemy I hate you!"

"... you nabbed him, this darling man..."

"... he was mine..."

"... he was mine..."

"You're twice the woman I am." Alchemy placates the twins.

Gomez grabs Tully, who is striding by in search of Margaret.

"Tully, the Amor twins. They're

waiting for Fester. Amuse them."

The twins latch onto Tully

"Hello, Tully..."

"I saw him first..."

Me girls now have their four arms all over Tully, leading him onto the dance floor.

"Oh my God..." Tully squeaks us.

........................................................................................

......................................

Abigail is in the room alone. At that moment, Fester comes climbing back through the open window.

"I couldn't find her anywhere. Let's

just leave out the back."

"Pull yourself together. She'll turn

up the little cockroach. Now get to the party - or they'll suspect something. I'll be down soon."

........................................................................................

......................................

In the kitchen, Morticia watches as Granny garnishes a Roast pig set on a silver tray. It is beautifully glazed, deliciously plump and has an apple in its mouth.

"Mama, you've outdone yourself."

Granny turns the roast pig slightly to arrange the garnish and reveals its Second head This one too has an apple in its mouth.

"Hey it's a party."

Satisfied, she covers it with a lid. Lurch then lifts the tray onto a serving cart and rolls the cart out.

........................................................................................

......................................

Flora and Fauna, now on the dance floor with Tully, chatter giddily as he tries to manoeuvre them through a box-step.

"You can't imagine how surprised we

were when Gomez called and told us Fester was back..."

"Especially considering..."

Flora rolls her eyes heavenward

"Fauna..."

"Especially considering what?" Tully asks intrigued

"It makes no difference now. It's obvious that Fester and Gomez are devoted."

"Why wouldn't they be devoted?"

"Well, now that Fester's back, he's

the king of the castle again, isn't he?"

"Fester's the older brother. So he

gets it all. The house, the money - you name it."

"I'd like to..."

"Gomez be damned."

"Fester's still single, isn't he?"

Flora is flirting with Tully

"Are you, Mr Alford?"

Tully turns to flora

"Why, Fauna..."

"I'm Fauna!"

"I'm Flora!"

"I'm flattered. Excuse me, ladies?"

Tully winks at Flora and blows a kiss to Fauna they giggle madly.

Tully hurries off, grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary.

........................................................................................

......................................

Morticia and Fester have appeared at the door to the ballroom.

The music stops playing

Morticia gets everyone's attention

"Everyone. Your attention, please.

the guests fall silent.

"When he was lost, our family grieved.

And how it became them. Now he is found, and our celebration begins. Our treasured guest of honour Fester Addams."

She takes him by the hand as if to lead him toward the assembled guests - but instead abruptly spins him by the arm, sending him whirling like a top into the Center of the ballroom.

where he suddenly stops nose to nose with Gomez who has changed clothes he's dressed now as a Hollywood Cossack.

He carries five gleaming Scimitars

Morticia, Alchemy, Granny, and all the Addams women rap out a stirring martial beat on tambourines.

"The Mamushka!"

Gomez begins to Circle around Fester.

The other family members form a circling counter-clockwise to Gomez.

Gomez then throws the scimitars straight up, high into the air, and begins juggling them.

Baffled, Fester stands in the centre, the eye of this dizzying hurricane.

"Taught to us by our Cossack cousins,

the Mamushka has been an Addams family tradition since God knows when..."

Gomez hurls the scimitars to Fester. They begin juggling them back and forth much to festers shock and surprise

"...We danced the Mamushka while Nero

fiddled! We danced the Mamushka at Waterloo! We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka's for you!"

The juggling continues. The move is getting more and more intricate. It's an elaborate carefully choreographed routine.

Fester, petrified, manages to somehow bungle his way through.

They launch into a tongue-twisting Patter song

Fester stumbles his way through. During an instrumental passage of the song, Gomez admires his brother.

"After all this time Fester hasn't

forgotten a step, hasn't forgotten a word!"

Fester stop dead astonished

"Not a step, not a word..."

Fester has missed a beat and looks up to See all five scimitars Dropping fast coming straight at him.

Panicking, he catches two in each hand, his hands are full. What's he going to do with the last one.

He opens his mouth is to scream, it drops straight in, fester swallowed it to the hilt.

The Addams mob cheer and launches into the finale of the song.

Amazed, Fester drops the scimitars he holds and pulls the one from his mouth.

"How did I do that?"

Gomez slaps him on the back. Fester burps. The Addams cheer again.

........................................................................................

......................................

In a remote corner of the ballroom Cousin It and Margaret are waltzing in an out of the way nook they are somewhat involved.

"We've been married for almost twenty

years... sometimes it seems like more..." states sadly

"Ooot oot blipper"

" Of course, people grow, people change..."

"Glibber gleep gleep."

........................................................................................

......................................

Tully is heading for the front door, in his coat.

Abigail stops him.

"Where are you going? There's

trouble."

"Hey not to worry. Plan B."

"But that hideous little girl..."

Tully interrupts her

"I'm in charge. Ten minutes - I'll be back"

Tully slips out the door. Abigail turns, frustrated, throwing up her hands.

Upstairs, on the dance floor, a reprise of the Mamushka has begun. In the rear of the hall, Cousin It passes across, leading a trembling Margaret.

........................................................................................

......................................

Now outside judge Womack's house

Judge Womack is on the front porch with Tully. He's apoplectic. The raucous sounds of the Mamushka rever- berate from the Addams mansion.

"What the hell's going on over

there?"

"How would you like to be rid of

the Addamses for good?"

Judge Womack smiles

"What can I do for you?"

........................................................................................

......................................

It's around two in the morning when the party ends.

Alchemy, Gomez and Morticia stand on the front steps waving good-bye to their departing guests.

Cousin It leans out the window of his limousine, sharing a romantic last moment with Margaret.

"You're a marvelous dancer. It's

been such fun."

"Ooot ooot gibber."

Margaret is torn

"I can't. We musn't .... Call me?"

The limo drives off, as Margaret waves a fond farewell. The limo passes

Morticia appears. She puts her arm around Margaret as it drives off.

"Oh, Margaret... he's very special,

isn't he?"

Margret sighs

"He's perfect."

"He's It."

Flora and fauna were giving goodbye kisses to fester covering him with the lipstick they hang on him with all four arms. He is enjoying himself.

"You'll come see me before you

leave, won't you,?"

"I'll call, once I'm alone."

An ambulancepulls up. White-jacketed attendants step out, with a straight-jacket built for two.

"There's your ride! Good-bye, girls!"

........................................................................................

......................................

Fester skips down the hall, still practicing bits of the Mamushka, the Amor Twins' kisses still fresh on his cheeks. He opens the door and strides into his room.

Fester dances into the room. He grabs Abigail and starts dancing with her, swinging her around and singing bits of the patter song.

"Gordon?"

Fester keeps singing and dancing.

"Gordon! Stop it! This instant!"

Fester lets her go.

"Gordon, is that... lipstick? All over

your face?"

"From the twins! The beauteous Amor twins!" Fester says still giddy

"The twins? Gordon, I don't understand

this. Let me get this clear. Have you... have you been having a good time?"

"Yes, I have! It was marvelous - I sang up a storm! And I danced 'till I dropped! The Mamushka!"

He begins to dance again, Abigail breathing fire sits on the bed, turns away from him.

"Mother?"

"Mother? Mother? Who is that? I

don't think I recall."

"I'm perfectly fine. I'm dandy. Don't

concern yourself with me, Gordon.

Please, return to your depraved orgy. Sometimes I think you're not even my son."

"Dont say that."

"I'm just your mother. You only owe me

your entire existence on this planet. Please, Gordon, by all means - go. Sing. Dance. Date."

Fester comes to his senses."

"Mother, I'm... I'm so terribly sorry..."

he kneels at her side

"It was just a party. It's over. It means nothing. Those Siamese twins, that hunchback, Cousin It - they're not you."

"Say it, Gordon. Make me believe"

"I love you. And I want money."

"We've got to find Tully."


	7. Chapter 6

Morticia is looking for her children.

She finds Pugsley Asleep, curled up on the silver platter where the two-headed Pig lay.

She finds this enchanting.

Gomez and Alchemy enter.

Morticia shushes them she points at Pugsley

"Look - our little boy."

"All tuckered out." Gomez whispers

"So sweet. He looks just... like a little entree." Alchemy swoons

Pugsley wakes up he looks around.

"Where... where's the party?" he asks sleepily

"It's over, darling - have you seen your sister?"

"Not since before the Mamushka."

"Gomez?"

"Don't fret we'll find her."

........................................................................................

........................................

Gomez rallies the family for the search. Morticia and Alchemy wear matching black cloaks. Granny has grabbed her divining rod. Lurch distributes torches, then stands aside, awaiting instructions. Pugsley helps Gomez unroll an ancient map of the area.

"Fan out. Pugsley head for the dung

heap. Mama and Morticia - the shallow graves. Alchemyyou and I will take the abyss, and Lurch - check the bottomless pit"

"Fester!"

"Up here!"

They look up at Fester, looking down at them from Wednesday's window

"Fester!You take the ravine!And

the unmarked abandoned well!"

"Somebody should stay behind in

the case she comes back."

"Goodman!Good thinking!

"Then who'll take the swamp?"

Thing tugs at the cuff of Gomez's pants. Gomez nods.

"That's the spirit, Thing lend a

hand! Let's go!"

They all sweep off, with Gomez in the lead.

........................................................................................

........................................

Fester is still at the window. Abigail joins him.

Spread far and wide over the grounds, the various members of the family search for Wednesday, tiny lights aloft, calling.

"Where the hell is Tully?"

They head out.

Fester and Abigail find Tully in the den. sitting in an armchair, basking in the rays of sunshine that beam at

from a copy of "The Sun Also Rises." Tully smiles at them

"What are you doing?" Abigail asks

"Relaxing. Taking a little sun."

"Have you gone mad?"

"Au contraire."

Tully closes the book and smugly unfurls alegal document.

........................................................................................

........................................

Bouncing across the swamp is Thing stopping occasionally to quest the air for his mistress.

........................................................................................

........................................

Torch aloft, Pugsley searches through the primaeval forest

........................................................................................

........................................

In the neighbourhood, lurch picks up a random car searching for Wednesday.

........................................................................................

........................................

In the underground Grotto

Morticia and Granny stand in the middle of the dripping darkness. Stalagmites. Stalactites.

Granny's torch casts scary shadows on the cave

"Wednesday!Wednesday!" Granny calls out

"Oh, Mama, I was sure we'd find her

here."

........................................................................................

........................................

In the cemetery, Gomez and Alchemy reach a stately mausoleum at the far end of the cemetery. Two proud marble vultures guard the entryway. Gomez lowers the uplifted claw of one of the vultures and the stone doors slide open.

Inside it is catacomb-like, filled with the bleached bones of the Addams dead. The torches cast shadows one of which belongs to Wednesday, curled asleep on a stone sarcophagus.

Relieved to find her alchemy let out a sigh of relief, Gomez approaches quietly. He doesn't want to wake her up. He lifts her tenderly in his arms.

........................................................................................

........................................

At the entrance of the house, the gate can't open.

He rattles miserably on his hinges locked tight with heavy chains and yellow police tape - large "NO TRESPASSING!! COURT ORDER!! ADDAMS FAMILY - KEEP OUT!!"

signs are posted on Gate's rusty bars.

the family, appalled at the sight of Gate. Lurch carries the sleeping Wednesday and Pugsley.

"What's all this?" Gomez demands

Tully hurries down the walkway, waving his legal document.

"This is a restraining order, Gomez."

"A restraining order?"

"It requires you to keep a distance of

one thousand yards from this house. You've got about nine hundred and ninety-nine yards to go - catch my drift?"

Gomez is in disbelief.

"I am restrained - from my own house!"

"Not your house, moustache!Not any

more! It belongs to the eldest living descendant, the older of the brother's Fester Addams!"

"But - this is lunacy!" Alchemy protests

"Fester adores Gomez!" Pleads

"He's afraid of him. Seeing the

twins brought it all back. You're bitter rivals, Gomez - always were, always will be!"

"It's not so! Those girls meant nothing

\- he knows that! I demand to see Fester!"

"Sorry, no can do. He's very hurt it's not a good time. Leave it alone. Or better yet just leave."

Wednesday comes forward rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"but that's not uncle fester."

The adults turn to look at her.

Gomez turns to his family

"Do not fear justice shall prevail. The courts will decide! They say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. Well, with God as my witness I am that fool!"

........................................................................................

........................................

Judge Womack is the He hammers the bench again, then reads his decision.

"Given applicable standards of

proof, the attempts to impugn this man's character or question his identity have been woefully inadequate. It is with no small amount of personal satisfaction that I declare Fester Addams legal executor of the Addams estate and rightful owner of all properties and possessions contained herein. Gomez Addams..."

(He holds up a golf ball)

"I believe this is yours"

Alchemy growls at the judge, she should have brought her knife, she had the perfect shot where she was standing with her family.

In less than a second judge Womack would have been lifeless.

But she doesn't all she can do is offer comfort to a deviated Gomez.

........................................................................................

........................................

The family members Troop to the car with their few possessions.

Gomez is already sitting in the passenger seat of the Duesenberg, his coat draped over his shoulders as if he were an invalid, his head thrown back.

Morticia carries out Cleo, her carnivorous plant, alchemy has her throwing knife set along with a suitcase of clothes, Granny carries her favourite cauldron, Wednesday one of her Marie Antoinette dolls, Pugsley his chemistry set. Lurch uproots his favourite tree and joins the procession.

Thing follows, dragging a toy wagon packed with his rings, his glove.

The Duesenberg eases out of the driveway and onto the street, Weighed down by Lurch's tree, sticking out of the trunk.

Fester is standing at a second-story window, watches the car drive off.


	8. Chapter 7

The Addams were able to find a place to stay, wampum court.

A two-story Neon arrow points the way to this bungalow court Bright and awful ersatz western.

Log cabins of simulated wood surround the teepee-shaped office.

The Addams' Duesenberg is parked in front of the furthest cabin.

The asphalt has been ripped up in big chunks and Lurch's tree is parked next to the Addams' new home.

Morticia at the moment with an icePick and hammer she was deftly making a large spidery Crack in the round mirror Sighing deeply, she stands back to admire Granny joins her.

"I like it."

Her mother pats her consolingly.

"Just as long as we're together,

n'est pas, mon cher?"

the interior of the bungalow was all ersatz cowboy and Indian mixed with chrome-plated plastic and orange shag carpet.

Gomez was slumped in a chair made from wagon wheel and Naugahyde.

Alchemy was attempting to bring Gomez out of his comatose state my running her fingers through his hair, small kisses on sensitive parts of his neck, running her hand up and down his thie, Wednesday was also caring for him.

Though it was to little result.

It's as if all of his insane, vibrant energy has been leeched from him, He's a broken man. He looks back at her as if he's never heard french.

"Huh"

Alchemy and Wednesday trade worries look.

Pugsley comes from the bathroom, nibbling a wrapped bar of motel soap.

"This place isn't so bad. They even

put candy in the bathroom."

Morticia corrects him

"That's soap dear."

"oh."

He takes another greedy bite.

Wednesday pats her father's arm.

"Do you want a cigar, Father?"

Gomez in a monotone victor says

"They're very bad for you."

"Father?

Wednesday exchanges a panic-stricken look with Both her mother's.

The family moves closer to Gomez.

"But maybe I'll have one of those..."

He takes a bar of soap from Pugsley. Gomez unwraps it and morosely eats.

........................................................................................

........................................

Back at the Addams mansion three hands, reach up to pull three of the countless chains.

........................................................................................

........................................

The coal chute drops open, dumping out Fester, Abigail, and Tully all of the wet and bedraggled and gasping for air.

Abigail turns to fester.

"You're doing this on purpose."

They all struggle to their feet and march grimly back toward the door.

........................................................................................

........................................

It's morning at wampum court bungalow.

Gomez has Stretched out on the naked box springs of his bed the mattress pushed aside.

A damp cloth covers his eyes. Thing Massages his aching head. A bowl of Motel soup is beside him.

In contrast, Morticia squarely faces the crisis. She with alchemy at her sideaddresses the family from the head of the breakfast table, the want ads open on the table before her.

"We are Addamses, and we will not

submit. Who recalls the fable of

the tortoise and the hare? The swift, yet lazy little cottontail, and his slow but determined companion? What does that story teach us, as Addamses?"

Granny pipes up

"Kill the hare. Skin it. Boil it."

Wednesday adds on

“Put the tortoise on the highway."

"During rush hour." Pugsley shares are two cents.

"Yes!We will survive!Poison us,

strangle us, break our bones - we will come back for more. And why?"

"Because we like it!" Granny states

Pugsley speaks proudly

"Because were Addams."

Gomez tries to rouse himself through half-hearted.

"Were Addams"

He burps soap bubbles floating from his mouth.

........................................................................................

........................................

Outside Wampun court stand Wednesday and Pugsley having set up a Lemonade stand as their contribution to the Addams' financial well-being.

An array of Poisons are lined up on their rickety table.

They've slashed their prices to a nickel per cup. The pitcher on the table before them steams.

Cars speed by without much care.

Lurch comes out of the motel courtyard carrying a simple bucket and vacuum cleaner.

Pugsley hands him a drink

"Here Lurch On the house."

Feeling the effects of the lemonade, Lurch Burps, a tongue of flame shoots from his mouth and incinerates wooden Indian advertising the Wampum Court.

........................................................................................

........................................

Alchemy was able to get a job as a waitress at a local diner with a 1950s vibe.

"Orders up!"

Dressed in a yellow checkered dress with white collar and short sleeves with peaked white trim finished with white pinny wrapped around her waist.

Alchemy picks up the plates filled with burgers and fries.

"table 17 please alchemy."

Alchemy managed a small nod.

Alchemy has to mentally remind herself that this was for her family.

"Hey, waitress fancy giving me and my friends a twirl."

Alchemy turns to the table.

It's a group of 5 guys, each one laughing and shoving each other while eyeing her up.

Alchemy smiles before giving a small twirl, unbeknownst to the men, picking up a knife from the next table.

"how'd you like to spend the day with us." one of the guys say.

The group of men laugh, suddenly there is a thud.

Laughter stops.

A knife has been Thrown with so much force the blade embedded itself in the table, right between the half of a millimetres space between one of the guy's fingers.

"I would be careful if I were you otherwise next time I won't miss."

Alchemy with her hands has one of the guys pinned it the seat by the neck.

The noise in the restaurant ceases all eyes on the commotion.

........................................................................................

........................................

In another part of town, Morticia is at the employment agency where she was currently being interviewed by a personnel officer a relentlessly perky gal with a clipboard.

"We have so many homemakers re-entering the workforce your domestic skills can be very valuable. College?"

"Private tutors."

"Major?"

"Spells and Hexes."

The lady's looks knowingly

"Liberal Arts. Have you been a volunteer, PTA, service organizations?"

"Well, one day each week I visit Death

Row at our local prison, with my children."

The lady looks perplexed.

"With your children?"

"Autographs."

"Well, what about your husband?Is he currently employed?"

"He's... he's going through a bad patch

at the moment. But it's not his fault."

The lady nods with some bitterness

"Of course not. What is the - A loafer? A hopeless layabout? A shiftless dreamer."

"Not anymore." Morticia day wistfully

The Personnel Officer shoots Morticia a doubtful glance and begins rifling through her card file.

........................................................................................

........................................

In the living room of the Addams house, Abigail and Fester are seated at opposite ends of the couch. Fester stares off into space. Abigail is going through a stack of colourful travel brochures.

"The Mediterranean, the Riviera - once

we find the money, we'll go everywhere. We'll try again, right after lunch. Gordon - where should we go first?"

Fester sadly says

"I don't know...."

"Acapulco?Cancun?"

she snaps her fingers in the air, castanet- style, trying to be festive

"Ariba!Ariba!"

"You choose." Fester still looks miserable.

........................................................................................

........................................

Back at Wampun court Wednesday and Pugsley are at their lemonade stand. They are negotiating with a prissy little girl in a Girl Scout uniform.

The girl scout carries several boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

The girl grave doubts

"Is this made from real lemons?"

"Yes," Wednesday says

"I only like all-natural foods and

beverages. Organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?"

"Yes." Pugsley states.

"Well... I tell you what. I'll buy

a cup if you buy a box of my delicious girl scout cookies. Do we have a deal?"

"Are they made from real girl scouts?" Wednesday asks.

........................................................................................

........................................

Outside a suburban house Geraniums in the flower boxes. Surrounded by a white picket fence.

Carrying his sample vacuum cleaner and a bucket, the tools of his new trade, Lurch carefully opens the little white gate.

he rings the doorbell, afraid he might break something.

a blond housewife in tennis whites, obviously in a hurry, opens the door only to be greeted by a Bucketful of slop thrown past her, onto her peach Oriental rug.

She screams in horror, turns to challenge the perpetrator of this atrocity and, seeing Lurch, Screams again.

In a panic, she tries to slam the door on Lurch, but, like the salesman's manual undoubtedly advised, he Sticks his foot in the way. The door partially Rips off its hinges.

Lurch steps inside and shuts the door as best he can.

A moment passes.

The door swings open and Lurch exits, jauntily waving a check.

........................................................................................

........................................

In a small daycare centre, Morticia is telling a story to a group of toddlers, who have gathered in a circle around her, sitting on carpet squares.

The room is sunny and cheerful, with crayon drawings taped to the walls.

"... and so the witch lured Hansel

and Gretel into the candy house,

by promising them more sweets. And she told them to look in the oven, and she was about to push them in, when, low and behold, Hansel pushed the poor, defenceless witch into the oven instead. Where she was burned alive, writhing in agony. Now,

boys and girls, what do you think that feels like?"

After a beat, all the toddlers begin to Cry.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Back in the bungalow, Granny holds a club behind her back as she stalks something.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

Eating compulsively form a box of Mallomars, Gomez is still stretched out on the naked box springs. He stares vacantly at a game show on TV. "Jeopardy" is on.

The presenter reading from the card

Monsters Of History for $200.

"He was known as the Butcher of Bavaria."

"Grandfather Addams!" Gomez shouts

Then smacks his forehead, hard

"Damn!Not in the form of a question!"

Granny, is running now, the club raised, hurries past the open window of the bungalow.

She stops at the sight of Gomez inside, standing on the bed, staring at the television.

Gomez is now watching Geraldo Rivera, hosting his tabloid-style show.

"Voodoo zombies the stuff of

legend, or a living nightmare? Do zombies exist? How are they made? Where can we find them? Call in with your comments."

A call-in number is flashed on the screen. Gomez reaches for the phone.

........................................................................................

.......................................

In the Addams house, Abigail and Gordon are seated at opposite ends of the table, having lunch. It is very quiet.

"After lunch, we'll try again."

"Yes, Mother," Fester says In a flat voice.

"We'll find the money. And meanwhile,

we have this little nest. Quiet and cosy. Without that dreadful family."

"Yes, Mother."

"Just the two of us, away from the

world. Our dream come true. "

"Yes, Mother."

As Fester repeats "Yes Mother" in his drone, Abigail mimics him, silently.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Back in the bungalow, an hour had passed.

on the TV screen. the studio audience.

repeats "Yes"

"So your son was brainwashed by voodoo

slave masters and forced to recruit others. Let's take a call."

Gomez is heard on the studio PA system

"Geraldo..."

Geraldo cuts him off

"Mr Addams, please stop calling. We don't know where they meet."

Gomez lets the phone drop. Morticia, seated on the edge of the box spring with alchemy who is still in her work uniform only just having gotten back, both try to comfort him.

Pugsley, Wednesday and Lurch are seated nearby, very worried about Gomez, as at a death watch.

Gomez is now surrounded by junk food, and a mountain of junk food wrappers, bags and styrofoam containers.

Ritually, as handmaidens, Morticia brings Gomez the remote control for the TV, and Alchemy brings him a copy of TV Guide.

Pugsley brings Gomez a bag of "Doritos", and Lurch brings him a canister of "Pringles".

Gomez uses the remote to switch channels. An episode of "The Cosby Show" comes on.

"Re-run."

He switches off the set and stares at the blank screen.

"I don't understand. All he does is watch TV and eat." Pugsley is confused, alchemy gently puts her hand over his mouth.

"I know Gomez, let's go for a drive.

The whole family." Morticia asks

Gomez, not even turning says

"A drive? And miss "Matlock"?"

Granny opens the door and sticks her head in.

"Dinner's going to be late."

She slams the door. We hear her whistling.

"Here, boy. Here, boy."

........................................................................................

.......................................

Later that evening Alchemy is putting Wednesday to bed.

"If that man isn't Uncle Fester, then who is he?"

"I don't know, darling. I wish I did."

"Why is that lady doing all this?"

Alchemy looks thoughtful

"It's hard to say. Sometimes people

have had terrible childhoods. And sometimes they just haven't found their special place in life. And sometimes they're dogs from hell and must be destroyed."

Alchemy has a look of resolve on her face, she knows what she needs to do.

alchemy kisses Wednesday and she closes her eyes to go to sleep.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Wednesday sleeps in the same bed as Granny. Lurch is flat out on the floor. Pugsley uses him for a mattress, and Thing uses Pugsley.

Pugsley snores the inhale part of a snore, Lurch groans the exhale part, and Thing punctuates by wiggling.

Morticia stares down at Gomez for a long beat. Alchemy wasn't anywhere to be seen She strokes his hair lovingly. Full of resolve, she gets out of bed.

She leaves the room only to come face to face withalchemy who has changed into some Leather pants and a leather corset top with a leather jacket, strapped to her are her throwing knives.

Both women look at each other both in silent agreement.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Fester is lying in bed, The covers around his chin, Abigail sits on the bed, tucking him in.

"I know why you've been so glum.

It's because it's taking us a little longer than we'd hoped to find the gold. Isn't that right?"

Fester turns away, depressed.

"Of course it is. Well, don't you

worry we're right on the verge? Tomorrow, for certain, my darling."

she kisses him on the forehead and stands. She goes to the door and turns

"You know, some people might think it's strange, for a mother and son to be so close. I think it's beautiful. Don't you,"

"Gordon?"

Fester mumbles something, under his breath.

"What? " Abigail asks very sternly

"Yes, mother. It's beautiful."

instantly very sweet, dabbing her eye with

a fingertip

"Look I'm weeping."

Abigail exits.

........................................................................................

.......................................

The two Addams woman head off down the walk.

Both are on a mission

Unseen by them Thing trails after.

In no time they make their way back to the Addams house

Morticia and alchemy stand just outside Gate and struggle to get it open, Thing clutching the bars, also attempting to block there way.

"Stop it, you two."

Morticia breaks free of Thing.

The two women walk up the path and knock at the door.

Tully opens the front door. He smiles maliciously at the sight of The two women on the stoop.

Morticia addressee Tully

"I would like to speak with Fester."

Tully steps aside.

"We've been expecting you..."

The women cross the threshold.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Thing does his damnedest to flag down any of the few oncoming cars. He waves to no avail, Dances around in frustration, then tries Hitchhiking, sticking out his thumb. A passing car splashes him with mud.

Screwing up his courage, in a kamikaze leap, he grabs ahold of the bumper of the next car that comes along and hangs on for dear life as the car Speeds down the street.

........................................................................................

.......................................

In the study of the Addams house, Morticia and Alchemy have been jumped and are now being stretched out on The torture rack, Fester and Tully are securing their hands and feet under Abigail's supervision.

Abigail is sporting a bloody nose and a black eye curtesy of alchemy

Fester seem torn, agitated and upset.

Morticia turns to Abigail

"You are a desperate woman, consumed by greed and infinite bitterness.

(a beat)We could have been such friends."

Abigail looks at the two women.

" I don't think so, ladies. So any idea of the vault.

Morticia smiles to Abigail.

" Despite everything, I don't hate

you. I pity you. Persecution, fiendish torture, inhuman depravity sometimes it's just not enough."

"She might, but if I were free I'd take much pleasure in ripping your head of your shoulders." Alchemy sweetly tells Abigail.

"Gordon let's get started."

"But, Mother..."

"Stop stalling!"

"I'm not stalling! Stop badgering me!"

Abigail pushes Fester aside

"Tully, take over!Tighten it!"

"I'd love to you know that but I cut the stomach thing, when I touter people, it just isn't my thing."

Tully looks a bit green

Abigail doesn't take no for an answer she pushes Tully to the rack that holds Morticia and she moves to the one which holds alchemy.

"Do it!"

Tully politely asked Morticia where the bathroom was.

Tully shuts his eyes and then both tighten the rack. Morticia's bones make a horrible Popping, Stretching sound She Moans, rather sensually.

Alchemy's in the other hand doesn't even flinch, It's like she's made of Stone the straps keep pulling but nothing happens.

"Again"

Abigail turns again still no response from alchemy and still no stretching Morticia on the other hand moans again, even more orgasmically.

"Tighter!"

Still noting from alchemy and Morticiais moaning in pleasure, She opens her eyes. She sighs, in the afterglow. She glances at Tully and in a flirty tone say

"You've done this before Tully."

Alchemy is turned on by Morticia's moans.

The woman not at all affected by the rack.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Thing races up the driver way of the bungalow.

Thing leaps dramatically onto the porch, then stops dead to knock on the cabin door.

Gomez sleepily looks at the door from the bed.

"Who is it? We're paid through Thursday."

He opens the door. Thing rushes in.

Both are now seated at the table.

Thing skitters on the kitchen counter, frantically signing. In the background, the rest of the family sleeps.

Gomez whispers to thing.

"Slow down, Thing! It's terrible when you stutter!"

Frustrated, Thing grabs a spoon and begins tapping out Morse code.

"Morticia Alchemy in danger... stop! Send

help at once ... stop!"

Thing flops down in exhausted triumph. Gomez grabs him and heads off.

........................................................................................

.......................................

Back in Gomez study, realising the rack would do nothing, the woman is now tied to an enormous torture wheelTully and Abigail are tending the stick Branding irons stuck in the roaring fire.

Fester pleads with his mother.

"You can't! Not with red-hot pokers!"

Tully looks queasy

"Is this going to smell?"

Morticia looks at Tully.

"Tully Alford charlatan. Deadbeat. Parasite. How Gomez adored you."

Tully looks at the women.

"Well, not enough."

Fester is now begging with the women.

"Alchemy, Morticia please."

Morticia turns to fester.

"Dear Fester or whomever you are.

Which is the real you the loathsome, under-handed monster you've become?

Or the loathsome, underhanded monster we came to love?"

Alchemy pierce long stare on fester and Morticia curious face was nearly too much for fester to endure.

"Don't ask me...." he says desperately.

Fester is very upset by now.

"Gordon, I have a thought. Just a

notion, top of my head. Tell me what you think. Since you and the two Mrs Addams are so very close..."

Abigail takes a red-hot Poker out of the fire and hands it to Fester.

".....be my guest."

........................................................................................

.......................................

Gomez cuts the engine of the Duesenberg The car glides silently through Gate who opens uncharacteristically without a creak.

Gomez stops the car and skulks out.

Thing skulks after him.

Gomez sees the reflections of the roaring fire through the study window.

........................................................................................

.......................................

As Fester takes the poker and approaches Morticia Gomez crashes through the window, in a back-flip. Thing judo flips in after Gomez.

"I miei amori" Gomez yells

"Addams!" Abigail yells

Thing tosses Gomez a sabre of the study wall.

Tully also grabs a sabre and approaches Gomez from behind.

"Darling, take care," Alchemy warns

Without even looking, Gomez parries Tully's blow from behind. Then he whirls on Tully.

"Dirty pool, old man. Never again!"

"This is for keeps, Gomez!Not just doubloons!"

Tully feints then slash shredding the front of Gomez's jacket.

"One for you, Tully, and..."

Gomez attacked his blade flashing like lightning

In a blur of action, Tully's sword is knocked from his hand and he's sent tumbling backwards, finally landing on his knees.

".....one for me!"

Tully looks up at Gomez with cowardly, pleading eyes.

"Gomez... it's Tully. I'm your

lawyer. I'm on retainer."

"Let him up! "

Gomez turns to see Abigail holding a pistol aimed at alchemy One shot and alchemy will die horribly.

Gomez throws aside his sword. Tully scrambles to his feet.

"That's right! Now get moving Addams, take him to the vault. And if you're not back in one hour..."

the pistol is aimed at Alchemy and using her accent

Abigail states

"I displace her."

Gomez is near enough now to take his wives hands-on torture wheels.

" seeing you like this, my blood boils"

Gomez stares at his loves with a passion.

Gomez touches the torture wheel.

"This wheel of torture..."

"Our wheels," Alchemy adds on

Fester is confused at watching this emotional display.

Gomez admires his wives

"to live without you Only that would be torture."

"A day alone - only that would be death."

Gomez kisses Morticia and alchemy's hands.

"Knock it off! The vault, Addams -

right now!" Abigail cuts of the lovers

" But, Mother can't we..."

Gomez reaches for the book that will open the secret panel

"Can it, Gordon!Stop dragging your

feet! You disgust me your nothing but a useless, snivelling baby! A stone around my neck! What was I thinking I should've left you where I found you!"

Alchemy is listening with pure fascination.

she found him?

At Abigail's final words, Fester suddenly Leaps forward.

"No tricks, Gomez! That's the wrong book!"

Gomez's hand is on the right book, "Greed," but Fester stops him from pulling it.

"Allow me..."

Gomez looks into Fester's eyes realizing what he's about to do."

Gomez murmurs

"Good show, old man..."

Fester reaches for a different book

Hurricane Irene: Nightmare from Above.

Seeing the title of the book, Tully suddenly panics

"Put that book down, Gordon!You

don't know what it can do! It's not just literature!"

Faster is advancing on Tully

"Oh?"

"I'm your friend, Gordon think of the doubloons!"

"They're not yours, Tully! Back off!"

Gomez releases Morticia and alchemy from the torture wheels.

"Quickly, my darling!"

He helps them down from the wheel.

"Leather straps, red-hot pokers..."

Alchemy smiles

"Later, my dearest."

Fester is facing off with Abigail, as Tully cowers.

"Keep the book closed, Gordon listen to mother!"

"I'll never listen to you - not ever again!"

"I had to be strict with you because I cared!Put it down!"

"You never really loved me!"

Gomez, Alchemy and Morticia, reach the bookcase.

"Come, my love to safety!"

"But what of Fester?" Morticia asks

Gomez calls out, to Fester

"Old man, this way!"

Abigail and Fester are panicked

"Stop whining, you little good for nothing! Be a man!"

"You're a terrible mother! There, I said it!"

Fester opens the book and blasts Tully out of the window. Then he blasts Abigail out as well.

Gomez has now pulled the right book, "Greed", to open the bookshelf.

Amid the storm, he is leading Morticia and Alchemy behind the bookshelf. He tries to hold the bookshelf open for Fester to follow, fighting the gale-force winds.

"Old man!This way!"

Thing struggles across the floor toward the bookshelf.

Thing fights the wind, which pelts him with papers and other flying debris.

Gomez can no longer fight the storm, and the bookshelf slams shut.

Fester desperately tries to close the book to quell the storm, but a huge bolt of lightning zaps him

He falls to the floor, with electricity coursing through him.

Lost memories return.

Memories of him and Gomez and children, memories of the night he left, memories of his entering the Bermuda Triangle.

He was fester Addams!

........................................................................................

.......................................

Abigail and Tully fall into separate matching coffins that are placed in the graveyard.

The lids close and fall into the earth.

Wednesday and Pugsley are whiteness to it both carry shovels.

"Are they dead?" Pugsley asks Wednesday.

Wednesday looks to her brother.

"Does it matter!"


	9. Epilogue

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

A group of little Children approach the front door of the Addams house. There is a hand-lettered sign on the door reading "Halloween open house."

The children are dressed in traditional Halloween costumes, there's a witch, a ghost, a skeleton, etc., and they all carry trick-or-treat bags.

They giggle and chatter. One of the children is pushed forward, and he knocks on the front door. As the door opens, the children chant.

"Trick or..."

They freeze in mid-chant.

After a beat, they scream in horror and run, terrified, back toward the street.

Lurch is closes the front door, looking puzzled.

The family is busily decorating the house for their annual Halloween festivities. All the decorations are elegant yet ancient, dusty and faded. The crystal gloves in the chandeliers have been replaced by miniature jack o lanterns. Skeletons, each wearing a top hat, hang from the sconces by the nooses around their necks. There are clusters of black and orange balloons, covered with cobwebs.

Uncle Fester and Thing are draping the bannisters and stairway railings with a garland made from crepe paper, dead branches and Spanish moss.

Skulls, each holding a candle, are scattered about, on the stairs and the furniture. A stuffed, life-size scarecrow leans against the stairway, with a pitchfork through its throat.

A banner on the wall reads "HAPPY HALLOWEEN", and the letters drip with blood.

Gomez hangs upside down from the balcony. Morticia hands him a decoration. Alchemy is sitting in the couch knitting.

Granny appears from the kitchen, carrying a tray of food.

“Well, it's their loss. I even made finger sandwiches.”

Perched on Fester's shoulder, Thing shakes in fear.

Fester is petting Thing

"Oh, calm down."

"Here we come!"

Wednesday and Pugsley come down the stairs. Wednesday is dressed in her usual style, but Pugsley is dressed as a tiny version of Uncle Fester.

Complete with bails head and greatcoat

The adults are delighted. Gomez flips down onto his feet.

"Pugsley, old man!"

"Look at you." Morticia is delighted

Pugsley turns to Uncle Fester

"How do you like it?"

Fester is very touched he picks up Pugsley.

"What can I say? He's going to

break hearts."

Gomez states to the room

"Let's get a picture! Lurch?"

Morticia is delighted with this news

"Oh yes in the den."

Everyone starts to move toward the den. There is a knock on the door.

Everyone turns. Lurch opens the door.

Standing outside are Margaret and Cousin It.

Margaret is dressed as a fairy princess, complete with wand.

Cousin, It wears a cowboy hat, a bandanna and a holster.

Margaret is radiant, obviously very much in love.

"Trick or treat!"

"Ooot oot glibber."

"Look, everyone!We have guests!"

Alchemy says with much cheer

"Hello, Margaret. Cousin It - I almost didn't recognize you."

"Isn't he handsome? Everyone keeps

asking where he bought his costume." Margaret boasts

Gomez states admiringly

"It is a wonderful hat."

"Margaret Turns to Wednesday

And what are you, darling? Where's your costume?"

Wednesday solemnly proclaims

"This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else."

In the dining room, Fester and Pugsley are posed at one end of the room.

Lurch has set up an easel and canvas he is painting Fester and Pugsley's portrait.

Gomez and Wednesday are sitting on the floor amid newspapers, carving a pumpkin.

Morticia is helping alchemy knit.

Margaret and Cousin, It sits together, holding hands. Granny brings people cups of steaming punch, from a punch bowl.

"Halloween - it's such a special

time. Ghosts and goblins. Witches on broomsticks." Fester muses

"Children begging in the streets," Wednesday adds

"I'm so glad I can share this night

with my family my real family. Now that I've got my memory back."

That unfortunate woman. Filled with

evil."

Alchemy shakes her head, sadly

"But not enough." Morticia laments

Pugsley turns to fester

"She wasn't your mother. She just said that."

"Ooot oot gleep." Cousin IT states

Gomez speaks to IT

"You remember, old sport did find him tangled in a tuna net, twenty-five years ago. With amnesia."

Wednesday adds on

"From the Bermuda Triangle."

Alchemy smiles at Wednesday

"Of course"

"Ooot oot oot."

"How true. Stranger things have

happened." Morticia a green with cousin IT

"I'm sorry, and I'm not bitter, but I blame Tully."

"Ooot blipper gleep."

"Oh, stop. I'm blushing." Margaret says bashfully to IT

Granny turns to fester

" thank goodness that lightning knocked some sense into you."

Pugsley is holing a lightbulb.

"Please do it uncle fester for the picture."

Fester pops a light bulb into his mouth. It lights. Pugsley giggles.

Gomez stands up, having finished the pumpkin. He places it on a table and lights the candle inside. The pumpkin glows. It has one eye in the middle of its forehead.

Everyone oohs and ahhs.

"You know, all the old sayings are

true. There's no place like home. And blood is thicker than water." Morticia lovingly says to her family 

"And just as refreshing," Alchemy adds on

"All right, everybody time for a game! What shall it be bobbing

for apples?" Gomez thinks

"Charades?"Margaret put out

"Ooot glibber glip."

"Of course Wake The Dead." Gomez proclaims

Defeated is delighted, this was a game he and Gomez would play as children.

Everyone starts to exit, chattering happily.

Margaret turns to Granny

"I've never played this before how does it go?"

"Did you bring a shovel?"

"Uncle Fester, will you be on my team?" Pugsley asks

"No, mine!"

Fester turns to Wednesday

"I tell you what we'll give you a head start. Three skulls and a pelvis how's that?"

Pugsley and Wednesday cheer and run out.

Fester gestures to Gomez, Morticia and Alchemy.

"Come on, let's go."

"We'll catch up," Alchemy says.

Fester runs out

Everyone is gone. The three adults have drifted into the front hall they are moving toward the front door.

Morticia is deeply satisfied when she says

"Our family... what are they?"

"Oh, I miei amori what a night. Everyone

together at last. What more could we ask?" Gomez says to his wives.

Morticia and Alchemy share a look.

"Gomez?" Alchemy asks

Alchemy holds up the garment she's been knitting it's a baby jumper with three legs.

Gomez is ecstatic when he looks at alchemy and even more so when he gets a confirmation nod from Morticia.

"Is it true?"

Alchemy smiles and nods.

The three embrace, as the front door Swings open, of its own accord.

The threesome is silhouetted in the doorway.

There is a Full moon. In the distance, a wolf howled. Wispy ghosts flit through the night sky. A human scream is heard, followed by Granny's cackle.

In the cemetery, torches are seen, like fireflies.

You can say many things about the Addams family.

They were demented

They were vicious

They were deranged

However, above all they were FAMILY.


End file.
